Ready for a New Year....New Me?? ... YOU BET!!!

Well...  this has been a trying year in alot of ways..  but I turn 40 in 2010 and as the name of my blog implies I AM headed to 40 and FAB U LOUS baby!!  It may take me a little longer to get to the actual goal I think I want to be at - or I may decide that the weight I chose is not a healthy weight for me..only time will tell that - but I definately still have a long way to go before I am happy with what I see when I look in the mirror every morning.  That has begun to change ever so slowly though as I start to see the small differences here and there as the weight comes off. 

The last few weeks I have been off as far as keeping up with what I am eating..how many calories I am burning, etc..even with my newfound friend (the BodyBugg!!) hehe  I have also given in to some of my urges and splurged more than I probably should have - but I don't think I went TOOO crazy..haha  Just between my son and I we polished off a dozen cupcakes..and a couple a dozen cookies..and I ate a whole bag of sour cream and onion pototoe chips!!  YUMMMM!!  haha  I have to admit the chips ARE a weakness of mine..and I generally just do NOT buy them which keeps me from eating them =)   but it is good to give in every once in a while... like I say.. I AM NOT ON A DIET!! =)  haha  I know everyone gets tired of hearing me say that...but it really is important to me that everyone realize that and does not act like I have commited some carnal sin when I splurge every now and again.. I am human afterall..

I somehow also got off on the keeping up with the scale.  But - since Thanksgiving.. I have gained a total of 4 pounds..  not too shabby I think.  That is workable!  It would be really great if I could get more disciplined and make the BodyBugg work FOR me like it is supposed to =)  That is going to be one of my goals thru out the next year is to make food journaling second nature and to always..always  end the day with a calorie deficit!!  YES!! 

I hope everyone does something fun for the New Year and stay tuned for some updated pics soon!  Thanks all for following me and leaving comments... it really DOES help to keep me motivated..

Live..Laugh  and BODYJAM!!
Cassi

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MEE!!

I finally got a Body Bugg..woo hooo!!!  My awesome parents gave me a little money for Christmas..so I decided to go ahead and lease one from Total Health by Elizabeth =)  I got it last Saturday and it is really cool!  I have just started this week wearing it and checking out how many calories I am burning in all of my different exercise classes...very interesting.  I have not REALLY gotten into it yet tho enough to start posting numbers because I am trying to prepare for a short break and it has been crazy!!  So stay tuned for those!

Weigh in numbers this week were not so great..I gained...again.  1.2 pounds =(   But..I did go to a really cool Christmas party with my friend Nancy from the Y and met some new friends...so I am thinking it was worth it... I just have to be careful not to let it keep trending upwards. I have an out of town venture to visit with my family this weekend..so I will probably make some poor choices there..but hopefully I won't get too far off base.

Have a good week and stay tuned for the Body Bugg updates.. =)

UGH .. come on now! lol

Well - another weigh in day is here... not too bad - but not where I wanna be either =(  I have been off track this week ..I actually went to the gym last night for the first time since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. My body was like whaaaa??  lol  I was feeling sickly all last week - mainly with a migraine..so I did not hit the gym. Plus - I did not eat great - sooo the two factors combined got me this week. I did not even gain a full pound   .8 to be exact... so not a big deal - but I want the scale to keep moving in the OTHER direction..lol  I actually hit my 60 lb mark during last week - but since it was not on an "official" weigh in..I guess I will wait until I can really count it haha

I have made up my mind to get a Body Bugg =)  My parents are giving me part of it for Christmas..so I am going to lease it for a little while and make sure I want to purchase it before jumping all the way in.  I really do think it is going to be a really cool tool to use on my journey.. we'll see!!  I can't wait to compare how certain exercises burn more calories than others, etc.  Should be interesting..

Until then...
Live..Laugh and BodyJam =)
Cassi

THANKFUL INDEED!!! =)

Sorry I missed posting last week - this has been a very trying few weeks for me in several areas. I actually gained .6 at my weigh in before today...but holy cow..when I stepped up on the scale today I was blown away!!  I had lost a little over 4 lbs during the week of  THANKSGIVING!!  yeee haw!  I was sooo happy to see that number.  Brings my total to 59.2 lbs lost - which means I am almost ready to start on my 5th goal =)  See..I am working towards my final destination in smaller goals of 15 lbs each.  I have never lost this much weight in my entire life and it feels fabulous!  I have dieted many times before - but typically I lose 40..maybe 45 lbs ..  and I may keep it off a little while before it begins to creep back up on me. I feel like this time it is really different..in a lot of ways.  The main one being that I don't feel like I am on a diet. I have said all along - I am NOT dieting..I am changing my entire lifestyle.  I am also at the point in my life where I am not doing this for anyone but me.  So look out world - that skinny girl that has been trapped inside this big 'ol fat body is on the way out! And she is smokin' hot!!  lol  Stay tuned...

Live..Love & BodyJam..
Cassi

WOOT WOOT!! =)

Allright!!  Back on the right track..yeah!!  I lost 3.8 pounds this week  woo hoo!!  Brings me to a total of 56 total pounds lost - which is very awesome..not really complaining...but when I look at my overall goal and where I should be...I am actually 16 pounds behind.  =(    Sooo..I guess I just need to take a deep breath..buckle down and get busy and get it done!! 

I found a new class tonite that I think I am going to love almost as much as Body Jam.  I think my body had begun to get too used to some of the things I was doing - so I have been trying to change it up just a bit and see what happens.  I did Zumba first tonite - which I have done before, but really wasn't crazy about it.  It was a little better tonite - but still not a fav.  But then, I tried a brand new class that a friend had told me about called "Jump to It".  It is an aerobics class..done on mini-tramps!  OMG  it was a WORK-OUT baby!!  I just hope I can walk tomorrow  haha  I just need to double up on my jog bras next week to see if that helps any with the "bouce"  haha

Alright guys..need to get some rest now..time to sign off..  Leave luv!!

Live,Laugh & Love...
Cassi

Maybe it's the rain?!?

hahaha  not really...I know FULL well that I have no one to blame for the scale this week but ME :-/   I gained two and a half pounds this week.  Why is it soooo easy to gain it and so friggin hard to lose it again? Just seems so unfair! I mean..it is not rocket science - I know I ate ALL the wrong things ALL weekend long. I love my weekends - but they are my downfall alot of the time.  I sit home - watching the TV..and inevitably end up stuffing my face with things that I would not dream of eating during the week. WHY do I do that?  I work soo hard all week long - and then blow it all in 2 days!!  And it is not because I don't work out on the weekends either..because almost every saturday I spend at least 2 hours in the gym. I work it too.. Here is a pic of me at the gym one Saturday morning before my workout and then right after my 2nd hour.. I definately give it my all...lol

The back of my hair is as wet as the front here..lol


I also love the way I feel after a good long workout. I am always super tired - but energized at the same time if that makes any sense.  Lately tho - I have been having problems with one of my heels. It doesn't bother me much while I am working out..but as soon as I quit - it really hurts.  Sometimes I can't even walk on it afterwards..which is odd.  Several folks have told me they thought I may have a bone spur in my heel  =(  Not good.  But I have to work out... I have waaay too far to go to quit now.  I may just have to get myself an early Christmas present and invest in some new shoes. I hate to do that because I have spent so much money on shoes since I started working out - but I really need these.  I have done alot of research and asked around and I feel like these will be the ticket.  I am looking at Nike Shox Ballo cross trainers.  I don't know - maybe I could sell some of the others I have bought that are barely used on craigs list or something. 

I am also still looking into the BodyBugg.. I really think it's cool =)

Ok peeps..that's all for now..leave stuff and spread the word..

Live..laugh..Love
Cassi

Rats...

I sooo wanted to lose this week - even if it was just a pound..lol  But I guess maintaining over Halloween weekend was pretty good =)  At least I did not gain either..that's something I guess.  I am beginning to get more followers..so I am going to have to do much better with my updates.  I think of stuff all thru the day that I will want to share - but alot of times by the time I get home at night it has completely left me..lol  I need to  be up on my treadclimber right now working my butt off because I just ate hot wings for dinner :-0  hehe  but they were sooo good!  I had southwestern eggrolls from Chilis on Monday too.  Yanno - this IS real life... there are going to be days when I just have to have what I am craving to be able to continue on my journey.  I am ..afterall..NOT on a diet =)  

I finally got set up on the FitLinx machines at the downtown gym today..yeah!  I have been set up on them at the gym closest to my house almost the entire time I have been working out again..but also spend alot of time at the downtown branch..so it will be great to be able to do the weights there now as well.  I reached my "yellow" level last week..earning a workout towel.  I had previously won a water bottle for the 1st level.  Those are silly little awards - the towel I will probably never use, but it still felt great to reach that level.

My son is now driving - which is great..but also kind of stressful.  He does a great job.. but it does not keep me from worrying about him daily..lol  He is a great motivator that keeps me moving towards my goal. He told me the other day how proud he was of me for "sticking with it this time".  I can not wait to pose for that "skinny" pic and be able to see the proud look on his face!

Well.. guess it is time for me to call it a night...more later =)

Live,Laugh..Love -


Cassi

YES YES YES YES!!!!!

I ALMOST KISSED MY SCALE THIS MORNING!!!  =)  I LOST 7 LBS THIS WEEK PEOPLE....YES THATS RIGHT..I SAID 7...WOOOO HOOOO!!!  NUFF SAID LOL  MORE LATER..

This and That...

Today I am just going to ramble a bit... hope u enjoy it..lol  I am learning that I am more and more like my mother everyday.  When I was a teenager I used to think the LAST person I ever wanted to emulate was my mother!  I always said "when I grow up and have children...I am NOT going to be like YOU"  haha  surprise....  guess who I see more and more each and every day.  But you know what - I can only hope that I am half the person my dear mother is.. she has to be the most God fearing woman I have ever known.  I love her with all my heart!  I said all of that basically just to say that I am rambling here like my mom does on her newsletter on their website =)  At least that is what she calls it - yet it is always enjoyable to read.  I hope mine is the same..

This week has definately been a different week for me. My trainer put me on more of a "canned diet" than I have been on so far.  I had been having problems knowing what to eat..how much to eat, etc for the number of calories I was supposed to have at this point.  It was causing me to really be on the merry go round when it came to the scale - up one week..down one week.  I was getting extremely discouraged.  The diet he gave me is a little tough because it is important to eat EXACTLY the items on the list...and some of them I was not crazy about in the beginning.  Cottage cheese is an example of one of those items.  In the past - you could not have paid me to put that icky stuff in my mouth - I am now eating it at least once a day..sometimes twice.  I do feel like I have lost this week - the true test will come Tuesday when I step up on the scale.  Jim said he wished I would just stay off the scale - but I really do not know how to do that and still be able to monitor my progress.

I don't know if any of you were fans of the tv show "Ruby" on Oxygen. But I always had it on my DVR and watched it all the time. She is such a beautiful woman and I relate to her sooo much it is not even funny. In some of the very first episodes - she was telling how everyone always told her what a beautiful FACE she had..and how she was soo sick of being just a pretty face. She wanted to have the body to go along with the face and the personality.  That is SOOO me.  If I had a nickel for every time in my life someone told me what a great personality I had or that I had such a pretty face, I would be a millionaire by now.  It really gets old and almost is degrading to hear people say that because you know if they are saying it that way...it means they don't find the whole package attractive =(  One of the last episodes of the season this year just really pulled my heart strings.  I sat watching it and bawled almost the entire time - I think because I could relate so well to all of the young girls.  Ruby had gone to "fat camp" to talk to the kids and encourage them.  One of the exercises she had them do was to write down their dreams on a piece of paper...if they were comfortable - she wanted them to read it to the group.  These were girls and boys ranging in age from like 10 - 17.  Some of their dreams were: to grow up and become a doctor, be a teacher, etc.. the ones that got to me were the ones that put down dreams like the 10 year old that wrote she wanted to get thru one whole day without someone making fun of her...or the 13 yr old that wrote she would like to be able to cross her legs instead of her feet when she sits.. or the 15 yr old that wrote she would like to have a boyfriend one day. I have felt each and every one of these very same things.

Do any of you ever watch shows like "The Biggest Loser" or "DietTribe" or any other weight loss type show where it will give you the persons weight - and if there is someone on there even close to your weight ..you compare how you look?  I wonder sometimes if I am in denial to a point because recently when I was watching "Dance your ass off" - there were girls on there that weighed LESS than me but when I looked at them all I could think was WOW..do I look like THAT??  And alot of times I feel really good about myself until I see myself in pictures...what is it with that?  I look in the mirror all the time..every day as a matter of fact. But I always look soo much fatter in picures.  lol 

Ok well.. it is getting late and I still need to get up off my butt and go to the grocery store for I am out of cottage cheese and chicken..lol  I also have not exercised today - which I really need to do...soooo I guess I will check in with you guys on Tuesday...hopefully with good news =)  Until then...

Oh yeah.. here is a pic of me and my girl Michelle at BodyJam... not a great pic of me as I had just finished BodyStep and was headed in to BodyJam... but I love it cuz it is with Michelle and I love this girl!! She helps to keep me soo motivated.. Thanks Michelle! Oh and for the record I am pretty sure she spells her name differently than I do..but not sure how..lol  sorry.. I still love ya girl!!

thanks all for reading and commenting =)

Surprise?? Not really.. :-/

Well..  I had an awesome week..  and it shows on the scale.  That soo totally sux!!  It is soooo easy to put it on and so hard to take it off... just not fair!! LOL
I gained 4 pounds this week =(  It will probably take me 3 weeks to take that back off UGH!!  But it was not really a surprise..as I ate pretty much whatever I wanted this last week. 

Soooo...I jumped back on the wagon this week full speed ahead.  Body Jam 50 premiered Monday night at the Shelby County Y and OMGGGG  it was INCREDIBLE!! I am going to love that one =)   I also received a new home exercise thing that I had ordered previously called "The Wave" from the Firm... going to rock that wave and see what happens hehe 

I still want a BodyBugg really bad!!  But my sweet trainer Jim is working really hard trying to get my eating back on track..I have even been eating cottage cheese for breakfast - and those of you that know me personally..knows that is HUGE!! lol

I had a really awesome weekend with my friend from HS..Sandy =)  Her lil baby dog is so cute..I was allergic to her fur - but she was so cute I didn't care..  am putting a pic of her here so u can see what I mean hehe Her "mommy" dresses her up and dotes on her worse than a child  lol  But it was alot of fun..thanks Sandy..I needed that girl!  Can't wait until the Ala/AU game - hope I get to come!!

Cynthia girl.. u look awesome!!  I hope I can get to where u are... you keep me going!! I am so proud of you!!
Laters guys!!

Kimmy in her "snuggie"

Getting Frustrated...

Ok... well to begin I DID lose this week.. one whole pound. I know, I know - at least I lost and a pound is a pound is a pound.. but I feel like I am forever losing the SAME pound! I don't seem to be moving forward like I had been in the beginning.  I am not sure what I am doing wrong. There are some weeks I can tell you exactly where I went wrong yanno.. like when I eat a whole pizza or ice cream or whatever else I am craving at the time.  But when I am watching what I eat and exercising diligently I don't get why I can't or am not losing like I want to be losing.  It is very frustrating.  I think one of the biggest things is I am not SURE I am eating the right amount of calories to optimize my weight loss.  My trainer - well ..the trainer that is nice enough to help me on the side I guess.. started me out with a specific amount of calories that I needed to be eating each day to lose weight. And I lost..alot! However, at the time I had JUST started working out and might get to the gym 2 - 3 times per week. Now alot of weeks I get to the gym 2-3 times per DAY.  So when I first hit a little plateau - he said "You may not be eating enough food for the amount of exercise you are doing and your body goes into starvation mode...eat more"  So, I did..and I lost a few more pounds. Then I had someone else tell me I was eating waay too many calories a day for my body to lose weight and I should cut back. I did - lost a few more.  In the meantime during all of this I had weeks where I went up as well as down.  How do I KNOW for sure how many calories are good for my body to lose with the amount of exercise I am doing?  I have NO idea how to do this - other than to be able to know exactly how many calories I am burning with every workout.  The only way I know how to do that is this awesome little device that some of you may have seen on The Biggest Loser called a BodyBugg. You wear it and it is able to tell you how many calories you burn 24 hours/day.  I really want one - but they are a little expensive. Then I would also have questions then too I think.  I was told if I got one of those - as long as I had a calorie deficit of 1500 per day...I would lose 3 pounds per week on a fairly regular basis.  I guess my question then would be - ok...but at what point does the body get to the "starvation mode" and start saving calories?

See where the frustration is coming in??  WHY does this have to be so hard??

It's a Miracle hehe

I LOST WEIGHT THIS WEEK!!  YES PEOPLE THAT'S WHAT I SAID...I ACTUALLY LOST!!  WOOOO HOOOO  =)   This week was one of those weeks that I fully expected the scale to show not only an increase - but a few pounds.  And it did - the middle of the week..lol  (yes, I am guilty of hoppin on that scale every few days just to peek at my progress haha)  I ate so many things this week  that I was not supposed to have - but they were all ohhh so good!  haha  I had girls night out Wednesday night..my son turned 16 yrs old on Thursday - so we had dinner and ice cream cake. Then, I figured I had already blown it at the Comedy Club on Wednesday so I even went to Chili's for lunch on Thursday and ate that triple dipper thing.. :-o  YUM! 

I did continue to exercise all week - and on Friday I went to the store and got salad and grapes and had that pretty much for 2 days and exercised like a mad woman..lol  When I hopped up on the scale this morning - all I could say was "Thank you Lord!" I had lost 2.6 lbs - which put me 51 pounds down total... yeah... the scale is moving in the right direction again.

I am researching this lil item called a BodyBugg - they use it on the Biggest Loser and I think it would be very very helpful in my journey.. just not sure about it yet.  Stay tuned for more info..  Thanks for all the comments and support!

Special shout out this week to Nancy at the Y.. she has been sooo sweet to take in some of my fav clothes now that they don't fit anymore... you're awesome girl!!

Short n Sweet

OK - well ... the scale is still headed the wrong direction.... but that's ok... I truly believe the little fluctuation is muscle that I am gaining due to the added step classes...lol  We'll see in the coming weeks I guess..  My gain this week was very minimal   .6   I can handle that.  I am headed to the comedy club tonite for a "girls night out" though and will eat there..soooo not the best food tonite.  My BABY BOY turns 16 tomorrow (where does the time go folks??) so I will also be going out to dinner and then coming home to eat Blizzard Cake from the DQ..  so I will alert the media now.... do NOT expect a loss next week people :-p   

On the bright side.. a friend asked me to post a "full length comparison" of myself and it is pretty awesome if I may say so myself... love it!!  Can't wait to see the one at the end of this journey and just sit in awe of myself  haha..

50 IS NIFTY!! haha

Ok guys..I have officially changed my weigh in day to Tuesday instead of Monday...I mean..really...who wants to weigh in on a Monday anyways right??  And I should have already updated this thing last Tuesday because after whining that I did not hit my 50..after all my workout time on Monday..I did hit my 50 on Tuesday morning.. yeah!!  And let me tell you..it felt awesome!!   The bad news is that I celebrated a little too much this week and gained a pound back UGH!!  and I thought for sure those 4 friggin hours I spent in the gym yesterday would take care of that.. but noooo...  still showing a gain of .8   ppsshhh!!  I know.. I am gaining LEG MUSCLE from all the step classes...*looking at Cynthia here.... THAT'S what yours is too girl!!  hehehe  My good friend at the Shelby County Y that has lost well over 100 lbs  (YOU GO GIRLIE) and btw has already bought her goal size jeans  *sooo jealous!!  has been a little discouraged because the scale has showed a slight gain on her too for the past two weeks... but let me tell you Cynthia..if you are reading this (and you better be  LOL)   you are still looking FANTABULOUS!!  so it's muscle girl...we are gaining muscle!!  =)     I took another pic... this one is a full length of me today..  I finally bought a few items of clothing that "fit me"  now  haha  so the pants are not sagging in the middle and you can actually begin to see my weight loss.. Let me know what you all think.. Need to sign off for now.. Cya!!

Almosttttttt there....LOL

But not quite!! UGH! I soooo wanted to hit that big 50 mark today when I weighed in.. the momentum seems to be back and the motivation is stronger than ever..I wanna see those numbers get lower and lower on that scale baby! I just KNEW I had hit fifty this week... I would have had to lose 3lbs this week to do that - but I thought I had done it when I popped on the scale for a peek on friday and I had lost 2.. lol but when I hopped on today... I have lost 2.5 since last week haha arrrgghhhhhh!!! Makes ya just wanna pick the scale up and throw it sometimes hehehe But...alas... guess that means I will for SURE hit it this coming week!! =) At least I better!!! haha If I head in the wrong direction I will be really ticked off with myself! I got my new car tag for my new Jeep... it says BDYJAM =) hehe I have never had a personalized tag ever - in my life... just another reminder to myself to stay motivated and on track!!

I am in the process of turning my downstairs den that was right beside my bedroom into my new bedroom and am going to make my exisiting bedroom into a walk-in closet for now (eventually I hope for it to be a really nice bathroom with a walk-in closet.. but for now, it will just be my closet). I painted it this weekend and my dad and I will be moving furniture, etc the rest of this week. In this process, I plan to clean out my closet and start getting all the "BIG FAT" clothes out of there and start making room for the smaller ones I am beginning to need =) What an awesome feeling that is!! I can't wait until next summer to hit the Y in a bikini haha !!

I also reached one of those goals I mentioned in an earlier post - and when I am at home and can figure out how to post a pic in my blog..I will SHOW you haha you will all get a kick out of it ..I am sure.. anyone watch "Ruby" on Lifetime I think it is? I am going to blog a little about her show I think later this week..stay tuned! Oh and by the way..thanks for all the comments! They really help me to stay motivated..helps to know people actually read this thing and CARE!! =) Thanks ALL!!
Cassi

Ok guys..I told u when I figured out how to add pics I would add a pic showing you that I had met one of the goals that I talked about in my earlier posts... sooo here it is  =)  It is still an oversized towel... but it closes by golly  haha  my left boob is finally covered hahaha  see the split at the bottom of the towel - on my leg... mmhmmm that is about how it used to look up top.  YEAH!!

and here is a pic of me by my new jeep I told ya'll about... still not a super model..but I AM coming along ya'll =)

Well..it's about time =)

Weigh in day was good this week... not as good as I would like for it to be - but alot better than it has been the past few weeks. I lost 2 pounds this week - YEAH!! It is so perplexing to me though - cause this week I only went to the gym twice (as opposed to about 9 times) and was very lax on watching what I was eating.. GO FIGURE!!

I got a new car.. that was a huge plus this weekend! Not looking forward to the payments - as I had been car payment free for a while..but with my son about to be sliding behind the wheel..it was time =) And it is sooo nice to be in something new.

I did have a challenging weekend though overall... my son was diagnosed with swine flu - JOY! Then - I was really excited about a date I had Saturday night. I had been talking to this guy for several weeks - he was very cute, we seemed to have quite a bit in common and overall both of us seemed excited with the prospect of meeting. We had seen pics of one another - so I really didn't anticipate any major shocks or anything. But I guess sometimes people just don't click. It just seems to happen more often than not these days with me and it has left me wondering IS there something wrong with me that I don't see? I have always felt that I have alot to offer the right person..grant it - I NEED to get the extra weight off... but the person INSIDE is a pretty awesome gal! At least I always thought I was - but these stupid guys sure are making me wonder about that. And the bad thing about it is that I have always been such an emotional eater - when I start feeling this way..I just want to EAT!! I have really had to fight some incredible urges to just go PIG OUT!! Part of me feels like if people are not going to like me anyway..why am I bothering?? And then I have to remember - I AM DOING THIS FOR ME!! ME!!! not anyone else..

Met with a different trainer this weekend also - just to get some new ideas to shake things up a little and maybe get me jump started back on the right track again...will see how these things affect my loss in the coming weeks. Stay tuned! =)

YO YO me LOL

This will be short since I am at work and I have been sick all weekend UGH! I lost a pound and a half this week... so I am back at my 3rd goal of 45 pounds total lost =) That is good... but I really need to get that scale moving in the right direction again!! Thanks for all the comments - they really do help! I will think about moving my weigh in day Cynthia..I have just gotten so used to weighing in on Mondays - I think sometimes it makes me "behave" more on the weekends knowing I am going to hit that scale..yanno.. I don't know..

One step forward ~ Two steps back!! UGH!

Weigh in Day... I hate Mondays! Why did I chose to weigh in on Mondays? What WAS I thinking anyways?? LOL Mondays are bad enough without having the added stress of worrying if I lost those pounds I have been trying so hard to lose or if I possibly gained a pound or two. Last week was SUCH a high because I FINALLY hit that 3rd 15 pound goal making my total loss a whopping 45 pounds!! That was exciting - but man it felt like forever getting there. I lost the 1st 15 in 7 weeks...hit the 2nd goal in week 13 - but it took me 10 more weeks..until week 23 to hit that 3rd goal...those extra 4 weeks just seemed like an eternity!! When I began this journey - I knew it was going to be a long haul..not something that was going to happen overnight..but you still get to that point at times when you just want the weight to COME OFF!!! It just wasn't happening fast enough for me and it was very frustrating!!

I read this article in Women First magazine about a Fruit Detox that would "melt off up to 16 lbs in 4 days". Basically it was a concoction of Organic lemon juice, Grade B Syrup and Cayenne pepper. You don't eat anything for 4 days, you mix this junk up with water and drink it every 2-3 hours all day. Ok - that sounded a little crazy to me - but the article covered this chick that had supposedly done "mini cleanses" for 2 days at a time for several months and lost like forty something pounds .. usually about 9 pounds at a time. What??!! 9 pounds in 2 days? woot woot.. ok I was IN!! lol I have never in my entire life gone a full day without eating anything...could I do this?? Are you kidding? For 9 pounds in one week?? YES!! I ordered me some lemon juice, and syrup and got ready. I tried this Thursday and Friday of last week. I fully expected to be in the bathroom most of those days..I mean it was supposed to be a cleansing..right?? How else was I supposed to lose all that weight? I did not have that result. I drank that yuk all day Thursday - without eating and made it through most of the day Friday before giving in and going to eat. Looking back now, I wonder was I supposed to puke after each time I drank it?? LOL Because I tell you, I had to fight really really hard each time NOT to...maybe that was how I was supposed to lose the 9 pounds..because surprise...I did NOT lose 9 pounds..I GAINED A POUND this week!!! AARRGGHHHH!!!! lol well...I guess that's what I get for trying to hurry things a long huh?

Well... guess it's hit that gym harder and harder this week!!

Motivation?

This is going to be a short one cause I need to go get my son fed...lol But do you ever just need some motivation?? One would think all it would take for me is to look in the mirror each morning - that SHOULD be motivation enough! I go thru so many different mood swings though it is CrAzY!! This morning I was feeling great about myself..actually FELT thin. haha And now - same day... less than 12 hours later... I feel like a big fat cow! I hate days like this!

Anyway.. told ya it was going to be short..laters

Weigh in Day!! 3rd Goal Met!! Yee Haww!!

OK guys! This is going to be short n sweet as I am posting at work :-0 hehe I will add more when I get home tonite and spruce it up a little... I have now hit my 3rd goal!! I have ..as of today.. lost 45 pounds!! yee haw!! I will add more tonite so check back!! Thanks for checkin in! Have a great Monday!

Ok.. wow..today was a Monday - but all I had to do all day long to make myself smile was remember that I have lost 45 pounds =) what a wonderful feeling.. My next goal is going to be a big one. It will only be 15 pounds..just like the last 3....but the difference will be that I have lost 45 pounds before....but never in all my years of dieting..have I ever lost 60 pounds at one time. Soooo..when I hit that 60 pound mark - it is going to be sweeet! =) I honestly can't even imagine each marker after that how I am going to feel. I am so ready for this change it is unbelievable.

My workout tonite was awesome. I go to the YMCA and I take several classes there. My favorite one right now is BodyJam. It is so incredible and such a great workout. I am always soaking wet when I leave there and feel soooo good! I am exhausted - but in a great way! It is also great to get to hang out with adult people that also like to work out. Being a single mom, I don't have alot of friends to do things with..so those people that you see every week at the gym and begin to forge a "gym friendship" with are pretty cool. Sad, huh? lol

Ok..starting to ramble again... closing today. I promise I will post a more "together" entry next time =)

laters..

Goals?? hmmmm

A lot of people when they start thinking about losing weight – start thinking about what their “goals” will be.. either short term ones along the way if they have a long way to go..as I do. Or just the end goal if they just have a short way to go. I know I did that..with an end goal of 168 lbs gone – I knew I needed some short term goals along the way to keep me motivated or I would never make it. So I broke my weight loss up into smaller 15 lb goals. I have met 2 of those goals so far..I actually did that fairly quickly. It has taken me A LOT longer to hit this 3rd goal of 15 lbs than I would have liked, but I am getting there. I have a little over a pound (but not quite 2) to hit it. =) I weigh in every Monday morning as soon as I get up. I am hoping to report a 3rd goal down this Monday, the 17th.

I have noticed along the way though that it is the smaller things that a lot of people take for granted that mean 10 times more sometimes than that number on the scale. Let me give you a few examples (maybe I can do this without bawling, as last night when I was trying to put this post together in my head..I cried half the night..lol crazy huh) of what I mean by this. 1) Do you go to the movie theatre to watch movies? Sounds like a dumb question doesn’t it? But.. most people don’t think twice about it – if they want to see a movie, they go..sit down, watch it and enjoy it or they don’t. For an overweight person, it can be an uncomfortable experience. I actually noticed this one a few years ago..the 1st time I lost over 40lbs at one time when I was on WW. When I was sooo heavy (close to 300 lbs) and would go to watch a movie – when I would sit in the seats, my hips actually were crushed up against the arms of the seat. So much so, that a lot of times – I would have bruises on my hips for days afterwards from the arms of the seat. I would almost have to pry myself out of the seat upon leaving the theatre – it was very uncomfortable to sit that way for the length of time you have to sit and watch a movie. The first time I went to a movie after I had lost over 40 lbs.. I was with my son (God Bless Him) and I think I embarrassed the poor child to death. LOL We got our refreshments, went in and sat down. About the time my butt hit the seat..I jumped back up like a bee had stung me..sat back down..did it again (the whole time with this big Cheshire grin on my face..I imagine I looked quite comical) sat back down…did it again…about the 3rd time I did this, my poor lil boy says, ‘MOM!!! What ARE you doing??” I sat down, turned to him with tears rolling down my face and said, “ I FIT in the seat!!! My hips are not touching the sides AT ALL… LOOK!! “ and hopped up and down a few more times for affect.. haha His face was so red..poor thing ( I think he was maybe 11 at the time) He just shook his head at me and asked me to please stop..which I did..eventually.. LOL Some other things that I have not yet gotten to, but am soo looking forward to – that I bet the majority of you have NEVER thought of (unless your overweight also) are 2) when I step out of the shower every morning and grab my oversized towel to dry off and then wrap it around myself to do my hair, make-up, etc.. I will be sooo happy when the damn thing actually closes and stops leaving my left breast hanging out in the cold to air dry (poor thing) I mean….COME ‘ON it is already an OVERSIZED towel..right??!! and THEN the day when I can actually wrap a regular sized towel around me and have IT close completely..now THAT WILL BE THE DAY!! =) lol 3) The ability to walk into ANY store of my chosing and purchasing those “cute” clothes off the rack.. instead of having to shop at Lane Bryant or ordering my clothes offline from the fat people shop =( 4)Boarding an airplane and not having to stop the size 0 stewardess and ask her for a seatbelt extender so I can buckle up!! 5) Being able to go to an amusement park with my son and actually RIDE something with him… I have not been to 6 Flags or anywhere like that since before he was born because the last time I was there with his daddy, I waited for hours and hours to get on one of the new rides and when we finally got to the front of the line – I was unable to ride, because the bar would not close over my lap =( I tried once..sometime in 2003 or so to take the kids somewhere like that and they had a model of the ride seat outside the line area to see if you fit in the seat… HA I couldn’t even get half of me in it… very disappointing.

So.. there ya have it..some of the goals that will mean a lot, but really have nothing to do with the numbers on the scale – and that I would be willing to bet 9/10 skinny people have never even considered. Just as I am sure there are things that skinny people go thru that others never consider as well .

Leg butt?? hehe

Ok.. if there are any men reading my blog they are going to think I have lost my ever luvin mind.. and if there are any reading it that MIGHT be interested in me romantically..I am warning you now...STOP READING this post haha it will be hazardous to your attraction..I promise!!

Does anyone have ANY clue what I even mean by "leg butt"? If you have been overweight for any length of time.. you probably do..lol Then again, I don't know..I can honestly say that I never had one until this past year - or at least if I did, I never noticed it..and I really think I would have noticed it..lol It is driving me CrAzY!! ok ok ok.. what DO I mean?? I will tell you..get naked..stand with your feet together and look in the mirror.. when I do this - my thighs rub together and I have evidently gained some extra fat on the inside of my thighs..LOL this little bit of extra fat there actually looks like a little baby butt sitting on my legs when I have my feet together and am standing looking in the mirror.. UGH.. it is NOT a happy feeling. Have any of you seen the promo for the new Courtney Cox series starting this fall called "Cougar Town"? In the promo..it starts out by saying"there comes a time in every womans life when she has to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask herself....what the hell is that?" HAHA That is exactly how I feel right about now. In the past, even with my weight - it had never really BOTHERED me to go to the pool, etc.. but getting in a bathing suit this year was mortifying..I felt like everyone was looking at my leg butt..LOL I have been really working trying to tone and firm this area up - it is just being very stubborn. I can't wait until I am rid of all this extra flab and I can stand proudly in whatever I choose to wear! I am almost at my 3rd goal of 45 pounds down =) (I broke down the 168 pounds into smaller goals of 15 pounds at a time)

I feel like I am rambling now..so I will close for tonite..I need to go put my sons clothes in the dryer as his first day of his sophomore year is tomorrow. Man they grow up so quickly.. my step daughter will be a Junior this year...where does the time go??

Jump on board..here we go..

Ok..well I have never "blogged" before..but I decided being a single mom with only a teenage boy at home..I needed an outlet, so YOU get to be my lucky audience. =) If anyone decides to give it a read. And if not..well I guess I still have an outlet.

I have written my feelings down for as long as I can remember..not really in a journal per se...but sort of I guess. The thing is, I tend to write more when I am unhappy than on a daily basis - so this whole blog thing may be a challange within itself for me. Guess we will see..

Ok- well I have been overweight for almost my entire adult life. It began the summer before my freshman year of High School when as a Junior Varsity cheerleader (which was my life as far as I was concerned)..I did not make the Varsity Squad. It was quite devastating. I layed around all summer in a bathing suit..eating whole bags of chips and drinking loads of soda - never realizing I was gaining..and gaining..and gaining. I gained appx 40 lbs that summer. That's ALOT of weight for a teenage girl in one summer. My mom tried so hard to help me - she would say things like," Do you need to eat those chips? How about something else?" But being the typical rebellious teen - every time she said something about my weight..I just ate more. I just continued to gain. By the time I graduated, I had spiraled upwards to about 180lbs.

I got married my 2nd year of college to a man that was 11 years my senior. I was sooo in love. We had our ups and downs, but the first few years were fairly happy. Later in our marriage, problems arose and he started picking on me about my weight. And again - the more he picked..the more I ate. Over the next 7 years or so I gained over 100 lbs. =( When we divorced I weighed close to 300 lbs. I was mortified!

Over the next several years after my divorce..I joined weight watchers and lost a little over 40 lbs. I kept that weight off for awhile. However, I ended up getting married again.. long story short - that marriage did not work out either. the most wonderful thing that I got out of that marriage was my relationship with my step-daughter. I was unable to have any more children after my son was born and had always wanted a little girl. She came into my life right after losing her mom to cancer - so it was like God placed us both in one another's life. We had an awesome bond almost immediately..it hurt to have to let her go. Her daddy later married again and her new stepmom does everything she possibly can do to keep us from having any kind of relationship.. stinks. She will be a Junior in HS this year tho - so it won't be long and she won't be able to control her anymore..I can't wait for that day!

Eventually...all the weight I had lost came back plus a few pounds. Have you ever said to yourself..I weigh this.. but I will never go past this.. ? Well.. I did.. it started in HS when I swore to myself I would never go over 200... then I watched as it slid by on the scale.. then I decided I would never weigh over 250.. then..yepp... there it went..right on by. 300 was my lock down..drop dead number... in March of this year, right before my 39th bday..I weighed in at 303!!!! WHAT??!! 303?? Are you kidding?? That's when it finally sunk in and nailed me right between the eyes... this has GOT to change. My sons dad passed away september 08 and so it is just me...I am who he has to depend on from now on. I have been single again for almost 5 years now and while I am ok with that..I do miss having a "special someone" in my life. I have been on all the different dating sites - and it is soo frustrating when most of the men I am interested in won't even give me a chance to get to know me because of my weight. I finally decided I was tired of being Fat and Frumpy and Forgotten... and I did NOT want to turn forty feeling this way about myself. So..if you are reading this.. you may join me on my journey to being FORTY and FABULOUS =)

I decided on march 9th that I was going to lose 168lbs. I started talking with a friend who is a personal trainer and he told me a good, safe weight loss would be about 2 lbs/week..so I figured that up.. 2 lbs a week to my goal will put me at my goal around the end of Sept 2010. To date, which it is August 11, I have lost 44 lbs! I am on my way!!