Monday, August 31, 2009


This will be short since I am at work and I have been sick all weekend UGH! I lost a pound and a half this week... so I am back at my 3rd goal of 45 pounds total lost =) That is good... but I really need to get that scale moving in the right direction again!! Thanks for all the comments - they really do help! I will think about moving my weigh in day Cynthia..I have just gotten so used to weighing in on Mondays - I think sometimes it makes me "behave" more on the weekends knowing I am going to hit that scale..yanno.. I don't know..

Monday, August 24, 2009

One step forward ~ Two steps back!! UGH!

Weigh in Day... I hate Mondays! Why did I chose to weigh in on Mondays? What WAS I thinking anyways?? LOL Mondays are bad enough without having the added stress of worrying if I lost those pounds I have been trying so hard to lose or if I possibly gained a pound or two. Last week was SUCH a high because I FINALLY hit that 3rd 15 pound goal making my total loss a whopping 45 pounds!! That was exciting - but man it felt like forever getting there. I lost the 1st 15 in 7 weeks...hit the 2nd goal in week 13 - but it took me 10 more weeks..until week 23 to hit that 3rd goal...those extra 4 weeks just seemed like an eternity!! When I began this journey - I knew it was going to be a long haul..not something that was going to happen overnight..but you still get to that point at times when you just want the weight to COME OFF!!! It just wasn't happening fast enough for me and it was very frustrating!!

I read this article in Women First magazine about a Fruit Detox that would "melt off up to 16 lbs in 4 days". Basically it was a concoction of Organic lemon juice, Grade B Syrup and Cayenne pepper. You don't eat anything for 4 days, you mix this junk up with water and drink it every 2-3 hours all day. Ok - that sounded a little crazy to me - but the article covered this chick that had supposedly done "mini cleanses" for 2 days at a time for several months and lost like forty something pounds .. usually about 9 pounds at a time. What??!! 9 pounds in 2 days? woot woot.. ok I was IN!! lol I have never in my entire life gone a full day without eating anything...could I do this?? Are you kidding? For 9 pounds in one week?? YES!! I ordered me some lemon juice, and syrup and got ready. I tried this Thursday and Friday of last week. I fully expected to be in the bathroom most of those days..I mean it was supposed to be a cleansing..right?? How else was I supposed to lose all that weight? I did not have that result. I drank that yuk all day Thursday - without eating and made it through most of the day Friday before giving in and going to eat. Looking back now, I wonder was I supposed to puke after each time I drank it?? LOL Because I tell you, I had to fight really really hard each time NOT to...maybe that was how I was supposed to lose the 9 pounds..because surprise...I did NOT lose 9 pounds..I GAINED A POUND this week!!! AARRGGHHHH!!!! lol well...I guess that's what I get for trying to hurry things a long huh?

Well... guess it's hit that gym harder and harder this week!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


This is going to be a short one cause I need to go get my son But do you ever just need some motivation?? One would think all it would take for me is to look in the mirror each morning - that SHOULD be motivation enough! I go thru so many different mood swings though it is CrAzY!! This morning I was feeling great about myself..actually FELT thin. haha And now - same day... less than 12 hours later... I feel like a big fat cow! I hate days like this!

Anyway.. told ya it was going to be short..laters

Monday, August 17, 2009

Weigh in Day!! 3rd Goal Met!! Yee Haww!!

OK guys! This is going to be short n sweet as I am posting at work :-0 hehe I will add more when I get home tonite and spruce it up a little... I have now hit my 3rd goal!! I have of today.. lost 45 pounds!! yee haw!! I will add more tonite so check back!! Thanks for checkin in! Have a great Monday!

Ok.. was a Monday - but all I had to do all day long to make myself smile was remember that I have lost 45 pounds =) what a wonderful feeling.. My next goal is going to be a big one. It will only be 15 pounds..just like the last 3....but the difference will be that I have lost 45 pounds before....but never in all my years of dieting..have I ever lost 60 pounds at one time. Soooo..when I hit that 60 pound mark - it is going to be sweeet! =) I honestly can't even imagine each marker after that how I am going to feel. I am so ready for this change it is unbelievable.

My workout tonite was awesome. I go to the YMCA and I take several classes there. My favorite one right now is BodyJam. It is so incredible and such a great workout. I am always soaking wet when I leave there and feel soooo good! I am exhausted - but in a great way! It is also great to get to hang out with adult people that also like to work out. Being a single mom, I don't have alot of friends to do things those people that you see every week at the gym and begin to forge a "gym friendship" with are pretty cool. Sad, huh? lol

Ok..starting to ramble again... closing today. I promise I will post a more "together" entry next time =)


Friday, August 14, 2009

Goals?? hmmmm

A lot of people when they start thinking about losing weight – start thinking about what their “goals” will be.. either short term ones along the way if they have a long way to I do. Or just the end goal if they just have a short way to go. I know I did that..with an end goal of 168 lbs gone – I knew I needed some short term goals along the way to keep me motivated or I would never make it. So I broke my weight loss up into smaller 15 lb goals. I have met 2 of those goals so far..I actually did that fairly quickly. It has taken me A LOT longer to hit this 3rd goal of 15 lbs than I would have liked, but I am getting there. I have a little over a pound (but not quite 2) to hit it. =) I weigh in every Monday morning as soon as I get up. I am hoping to report a 3rd goal down this Monday, the 17th.

I have noticed along the way though that it is the smaller things that a lot of people take for granted that mean 10 times more sometimes than that number on the scale. Let me give you a few examples (maybe I can do this without bawling, as last night when I was trying to put this post together in my head..I cried half the crazy huh) of what I mean by this. 1) Do you go to the movie theatre to watch movies? Sounds like a dumb question doesn’t it? But.. most people don’t think twice about it – if they want to see a movie, they go..sit down, watch it and enjoy it or they don’t. For an overweight person, it can be an uncomfortable experience. I actually noticed this one a few years ago..the 1st time I lost over 40lbs at one time when I was on WW. When I was sooo heavy (close to 300 lbs) and would go to watch a movie – when I would sit in the seats, my hips actually were crushed up against the arms of the seat. So much so, that a lot of times – I would have bruises on my hips for days afterwards from the arms of the seat. I would almost have to pry myself out of the seat upon leaving the theatre – it was very uncomfortable to sit that way for the length of time you have to sit and watch a movie. The first time I went to a movie after I had lost over 40 lbs.. I was with my son (God Bless Him) and I think I embarrassed the poor child to death. LOL We got our refreshments, went in and sat down. About the time my butt hit the seat..I jumped back up like a bee had stung me..sat back down..did it again (the whole time with this big Cheshire grin on my face..I imagine I looked quite comical) sat back down…did it again…about the 3rd time I did this, my poor lil boy says, ‘MOM!!! What ARE you doing??” I sat down, turned to him with tears rolling down my face and said, “ I FIT in the seat!!! My hips are not touching the sides AT ALL… LOOK!! “ and hopped up and down a few more times for affect.. haha His face was so red..poor thing ( I think he was maybe 11 at the time) He just shook his head at me and asked me to please stop..which I did..eventually.. LOL Some other things that I have not yet gotten to, but am soo looking forward to – that I bet the majority of you have NEVER thought of (unless your overweight also) are 2) when I step out of the shower every morning and grab my oversized towel to dry off and then wrap it around myself to do my hair, make-up, etc.. I will be sooo happy when the damn thing actually closes and stops leaving my left breast hanging out in the cold to air dry (poor thing) I mean….COME ‘ON it is already an OVERSIZED towel..right??!! and THEN the day when I can actually wrap a regular sized towel around me and have IT close THAT WILL BE THE DAY!! =) lol 3) The ability to walk into ANY store of my chosing and purchasing those “cute” clothes off the rack.. instead of having to shop at Lane Bryant or ordering my clothes offline from the fat people shop =( 4)Boarding an airplane and not having to stop the size 0 stewardess and ask her for a seatbelt extender so I can buckle up!! 5) Being able to go to an amusement park with my son and actually RIDE something with him… I have not been to 6 Flags or anywhere like that since before he was born because the last time I was there with his daddy, I waited for hours and hours to get on one of the new rides and when we finally got to the front of the line – I was unable to ride, because the bar would not close over my lap =( I tried once..sometime in 2003 or so to take the kids somewhere like that and they had a model of the ride seat outside the line area to see if you fit in the seat… HA I couldn’t even get half of me in it… very disappointing.

So.. there ya have it..some of the goals that will mean a lot, but really have nothing to do with the numbers on the scale – and that I would be willing to bet 9/10 skinny people have never even considered. Just as I am sure there are things that skinny people go thru that others never
consider as well .

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Leg butt?? hehe

Ok.. if there are any men reading my blog they are going to think I have lost my ever luvin mind.. and if there are any reading it that MIGHT be interested in me romantically..I am warning you now...STOP READING this post haha it will be hazardous to your attraction..I promise!!

Does anyone have ANY clue what I even mean by "leg butt"? If you have been overweight for any length of time.. you probably Then again, I don't know..I can honestly say that I never had one until this past year - or at least if I did, I never noticed it..and I really think I would have noticed It is driving me CrAzY!! ok ok ok.. what DO I mean?? I will tell you..get naked..stand with your feet together and look in the mirror.. when I do this - my thighs rub together and I have evidently gained some extra fat on the inside of my thighs..LOL this little bit of extra fat there actually looks like a little baby butt sitting on my legs when I have my feet together and am standing looking in the mirror.. UGH.. it is NOT a happy feeling. Have any of you seen the promo for the new Courtney Cox series starting this fall called "Cougar Town"? In the starts out by saying"there comes a time in every womans life when she has to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask herself....what the hell is that?" HAHA That is exactly how I feel right about now. In the past, even with my weight - it had never really BOTHERED me to go to the pool, etc.. but getting in a bathing suit this year was mortifying..I felt like everyone was looking at my leg butt..LOL I have been really working trying to tone and firm this area up - it is just being very stubborn. I can't wait until I am rid of all this extra flab and I can stand proudly in whatever I choose to wear! I am almost at my 3rd goal of 45 pounds down =) (I broke down the 168 pounds into smaller goals of 15 pounds at a time)

I feel like I am rambling I will close for tonite..I need to go put my sons clothes in the dryer as his first day of his sophomore year is tomorrow. Man they grow up so quickly.. my step daughter will be a Junior this year...where does the time go??

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Jump on we go..

Ok..well I have never "blogged" before..but I decided being a single mom with only a teenage boy at home..I needed an outlet, so YOU get to be my lucky audience. =) If anyone decides to give it a read. And if not..well I guess I still have an outlet.

I have written my feelings down for as long as I can remember..not really in a journal per se...but sort of I guess. The thing is, I tend to write more when I am unhappy than on a daily basis - so this whole blog thing may be a challange within itself for me. Guess we will see..

Ok- well I have been overweight for almost my entire adult life. It began the summer before my freshman year of High School when as a Junior Varsity cheerleader (which was my life as far as I was concerned)..I did not make the Varsity Squad. It was quite devastating. I layed around all summer in a bathing suit..eating whole bags of chips and drinking loads of soda - never realizing I was gaining..and gaining..and gaining. I gained appx 40 lbs that summer. That's ALOT of weight for a teenage girl in one summer. My mom tried so hard to help me - she would say things like," Do you need to eat those chips? How about something else?" But being the typical rebellious teen - every time she said something about my weight..I just ate more. I just continued to gain. By the time I graduated, I had spiraled upwards to about 180lbs.

I got married my 2nd year of college to a man that was 11 years my senior. I was sooo in love. We had our ups and downs, but the first few years were fairly happy. Later in our marriage, problems arose and he started picking on me about my weight. And again - the more he picked..the more I ate. Over the next 7 years or so I gained over 100 lbs. =( When we divorced I weighed close to 300 lbs. I was mortified!

Over the next several years after my divorce..I joined weight watchers and lost a little over 40 lbs. I kept that weight off for awhile. However, I ended up getting married again.. long story short - that marriage did not work out either. the most wonderful thing that I got out of that marriage was my relationship with my step-daughter. I was unable to have any more children after my son was born and had always wanted a little girl. She came into my life right after losing her mom to cancer - so it was like God placed us both in one another's life. We had an awesome bond almost hurt to have to let her go. Her daddy later married again and her new stepmom does everything she possibly can do to keep us from having any kind of relationship.. stinks. She will be a Junior in HS this year tho - so it won't be long and she won't be able to control her anymore..I can't wait for that day!

Eventually...all the weight I had lost came back plus a few pounds. Have you ever said to yourself..I weigh this.. but I will never go past this.. ? Well.. I did.. it started in HS when I swore to myself I would never go over 200... then I watched as it slid by on the scale.. then I decided I would never weigh over 250.. then..yepp... there it went..right on by. 300 was my lock down..drop dead number... in March of this year, right before my 39th bday..I weighed in at 303!!!! WHAT??!! 303?? Are you kidding?? That's when it finally sunk in and nailed me right between the eyes... this has GOT to change. My sons dad passed away september 08 and so it is just me...I am who he has to depend on from now on. I have been single again for almost 5 years now and while I am ok with that..I do miss having a "special someone" in my life. I have been on all the different dating sites - and it is soo frustrating when most of the men I am interested in won't even give me a chance to get to know me because of my weight. I finally decided I was tired of being Fat and Frumpy and Forgotten... and I did NOT want to turn forty feeling this way about myself. So..if you are reading this.. you may join me on my journey to being FORTY and FABULOUS =)

I decided on march 9th that I was going to lose 168lbs. I started talking with a friend who is a personal trainer and he told me a good, safe weight loss would be about 2 lbs/ I figured that up.. 2 lbs a week to my goal will put me at my goal around the end of Sept 2010. To date, which it is August 11, I have lost 44 lbs! I am on my way!!