Jump on board..here we go..

Ok..well I have never "blogged" before..but I decided being a single mom with only a teenage boy at home..I needed an outlet, so YOU get to be my lucky audience. =) If anyone decides to give it a read. And if not..well I guess I still have an outlet.

I have written my feelings down for as long as I can remember..not really in a journal per se...but sort of I guess. The thing is, I tend to write more when I am unhappy than on a daily basis - so this whole blog thing may be a challange within itself for me. Guess we will see..

Ok- well I have been overweight for almost my entire adult life. It began the summer before my freshman year of High School when as a Junior Varsity cheerleader (which was my life as far as I was concerned)..I did not make the Varsity Squad. It was quite devastating. I layed around all summer in a bathing suit..eating whole bags of chips and drinking loads of soda - never realizing I was gaining..and gaining..and gaining. I gained appx 40 lbs that summer. That's ALOT of weight for a teenage girl in one summer. My mom tried so hard to help me - she would say things like," Do you need to eat those chips? How about something else?" But being the typical rebellious teen - every time she said something about my weight..I just ate more. I just continued to gain. By the time I graduated, I had spiraled upwards to about 180lbs.

I got married my 2nd year of college to a man that was 11 years my senior. I was sooo in love. We had our ups and downs, but the first few years were fairly happy. Later in our marriage, problems arose and he started picking on me about my weight. And again - the more he picked..the more I ate. Over the next 7 years or so I gained over 100 lbs. =( When we divorced I weighed close to 300 lbs. I was mortified!

Over the next several years after my divorce..I joined weight watchers and lost a little over 40 lbs. I kept that weight off for awhile. However, I ended up getting married again.. long story short - that marriage did not work out either. the most wonderful thing that I got out of that marriage was my relationship with my step-daughter. I was unable to have any more children after my son was born and had always wanted a little girl. She came into my life right after losing her mom to cancer - so it was like God placed us both in one another's life. We had an awesome bond almost immediately..it hurt to have to let her go. Her daddy later married again and her new stepmom does everything she possibly can do to keep us from having any kind of relationship.. stinks. She will be a Junior in HS this year tho - so it won't be long and she won't be able to control her anymore..I can't wait for that day!

Eventually...all the weight I had lost came back plus a few pounds. Have you ever said to yourself..I weigh this.. but I will never go past this.. ? Well.. I did.. it started in HS when I swore to myself I would never go over 200... then I watched as it slid by on the scale.. then I decided I would never weigh over 250.. then..yepp... there it went..right on by. 300 was my lock down..drop dead number... in March of this year, right before my 39th bday..I weighed in at 303!!!! WHAT??!! 303?? Are you kidding?? That's when it finally sunk in and nailed me right between the eyes... this has GOT to change. My sons dad passed away september 08 and so it is just me...I am who he has to depend on from now on. I have been single again for almost 5 years now and while I am ok with that..I do miss having a "special someone" in my life. I have been on all the different dating sites - and it is soo frustrating when most of the men I am interested in won't even give me a chance to get to know me because of my weight. I finally decided I was tired of being Fat and Frumpy and Forgotten... and I did NOT want to turn forty feeling this way about myself. So..if you are reading this.. you may join me on my journey to being FORTY and FABULOUS =)

I decided on march 9th that I was going to lose 168lbs. I started talking with a friend who is a personal trainer and he told me a good, safe weight loss would be about 2 lbs/week..so I figured that up.. 2 lbs a week to my goal will put me at my goal around the end of Sept 2010. To date, which it is August 11, I have lost 44 lbs! I am on my way!!