Sunday, October 25, 2009

This and That...

Today I am just going to ramble a bit... hope u enjoy  I am learning that I am more and more like my mother everyday.  When I was a teenager I used to think the LAST person I ever wanted to emulate was my mother!  I always said "when I grow up and have children...I am NOT going to be like YOU"  haha  surprise....  guess who I see more and more each and every day.  But you know what - I can only hope that I am half the person my dear mother is.. she has to be the most God fearing woman I have ever known.  I love her with all my heart!  I said all of that basically just to say that I am rambling here like my mom does on her newsletter on their website =)  At least that is what she calls it - yet it is always enjoyable to read.  I hope mine is the same..

This week has definately been a different week for me. My trainer put me on more of a "canned diet" than I have been on so far.  I had been having problems knowing what to much to eat, etc for the number of calories I was supposed to have at this point.  It was causing me to really be on the merry go round when it came to the scale - up one week..down one week.  I was getting extremely discouraged.  The diet he gave me is a little tough because it is important to eat EXACTLY the items on the list...and some of them I was not crazy about in the beginning.  Cottage cheese is an example of one of those items.  In the past - you could not have paid me to put that icky stuff in my mouth - I am now eating it at least once a day..sometimes twice.  I do feel like I have lost this week - the true test will come Tuesday when I step up on the scale.  Jim said he wished I would just stay off the scale - but I really do not know how to do that and still be able to monitor my progress.

I don't know if any of you were fans of the tv show "Ruby" on Oxygen. But I always had it on my DVR and watched it all the time. She is such a beautiful woman and I relate to her sooo much it is not even funny. In some of the very first episodes - she was telling how everyone always told her what a beautiful FACE she had..and how she was soo sick of being just a pretty face. She wanted to have the body to go along with the face and the personality.  That is SOOO me.  If I had a nickel for every time in my life someone told me what a great personality I had or that I had such a pretty face, I would be a millionaire by now.  It really gets old and almost is degrading to hear people say that because you know if they are saying it that means they don't find the whole package attractive =(  One of the last episodes of the season this year just really pulled my heart strings.  I sat watching it and bawled almost the entire time - I think because I could relate so well to all of the young girls.  Ruby had gone to "fat camp" to talk to the kids and encourage them.  One of the exercises she had them do was to write down their dreams on a piece of paper...if they were comfortable - she wanted them to read it to the group.  These were girls and boys ranging in age from like 10 - 17.  Some of their dreams were: to grow up and become a doctor, be a teacher, etc.. the ones that got to me were the ones that put down dreams like the 10 year old that wrote she wanted to get thru one whole day without someone making fun of her...or the 13 yr old that wrote she would like to be able to cross her legs instead of her feet when she sits.. or the 15 yr old that wrote she would like to have a boyfriend one day. I have felt each and every one of these very same things.

Do any of you ever watch shows like "The Biggest Loser" or "DietTribe" or any other weight loss type show where it will give you the persons weight - and if there is someone on there even close to your weight compare how you look?  I wonder sometimes if I am in denial to a point because recently when I was watching "Dance your ass off" - there were girls on there that weighed LESS than me but when I looked at them all I could think was I look like THAT??  And alot of times I feel really good about myself until I see myself in pictures...what is it with that?  I look in the mirror all the time..every day as a matter of fact. But I always look soo much fatter in picures.  lol 

Ok well.. it is getting late and I still need to get up off my butt and go to the grocery store for I am out of cottage cheese and  I also have not exercised today - which I really need to do...soooo I guess I will check in with you guys on Tuesday...hopefully with good news =)  Until then...

Oh yeah.. here is a pic of me and my girl Michelle at BodyJam... not a great pic of me as I had just finished BodyStep and was headed in to BodyJam... but I love it cuz it is with Michelle and I love this girl!! She helps to keep me soo motivated.. Thanks Michelle! Oh and for the record I am pretty sure she spells her name differently than I do..but not sure  sorry.. I still love ya girl!!

thanks all for reading and commenting =)

1 comment:

  1. Cassie, you are so sweet and I thank you for sharing your feelings about me. We had some tough times but God got us through them all. Sweetpea don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others you see on TV or elsewhere. TV adds ten pounds to one's appearance or at least that's what they say and pictures seem to do the same thing. You are a different person with a different body build and that makes a difference. You sound so much like me when I see mself in a picture. I tell your dad I look like an elephant and I hate pictures because I am so fat and ugly. He tries to tell ne that isn't true and I thank him but tell him I know what I look like. You and I both need to remember that we were created in God's own image and that when we feel that way it is not pleasing to Him. Let's face it, we are human, we are vain, and we are never satisfied with our looks. You are beautiful and just look in that mirror and say, I look Good, and then keep plugging away at the exercise and lifestyle change because it makes you feel better and that's important. What's important to me for you is that your health will be better and you will feel better. My knees are so shot and I really need them more now than ever and if I can encourage you to take better care of yourself than I have of my body then I feel better too. I love you so much daughter and I am proud of the person you are regardless of your weight. Just learn to love yourself and life will be easier all the way around.