WOW... what a kick in the butt!!

As you know - I have been going in the wrong direction lately.. I have gained back a good bit of the weight that I worked almost all of last year to lose. WHY do we do that to ourselves? Do I honestly think I am not worth the fight? Yeah - I guess sometimes I do..sadly.  I have been working back towards getting back on track for a few weeks now. My stitches are out - my head is healed and I have NO MORE EXCUSES to stay away from the gym. So why have I not jumped back in full steam? Not entirely sure - though a big part of it is that I am just too impatient. I want to see the weight just fall off as easily as it piled on. But that is just not going to happen.

I had a huge "awakening" tonite - that I am going to work hard to turn into motivation rather than the self-pity that I usually wallow in. I had found some old pictures in the basement and was looking through them..kind of trolling down memory lane. The pics were of me and my sons father on our honeymoon. I was barely 20 - and was about 100 lbs lighter than I am now.  My son was in the basement with me - looking at the pics. He made a comment about how small I was.. and asked me how skinny I had been in HS. I told him the truth - that I was never "skinny" - but had been in much better shape than he had ever seen me. There was also a little portfolio of pics from my senior year of HS.. one in particular where I was sitting on the couch with all our dogs. He looked at that pic and said,"Is this YOU?? really??"  It was a little funny - but it also reminded me of why I started this journey. I told my son when I started that I wanted to be "skinny" by his 17th birthday. I was getting into better shape for me - and that was a huge thing.. but I really want my son to look at me and feel proud - instead of ashamed. I am not going to make the goal of his 17th birthday.. but I hope I can get back on track and really get something accomplished.

One of the other things I did was take pics of me from all angles..if I knew it would not embarass my son to death, I would post one on the fridge to remind myself to stay out of it! These pics were certainly an eye opener for me. I look like a weeble wobble! It is shameful to see what I have allowed my body to become. I truly hope that I can someday be proud of what I see in the mirror.

Been a while....

Hey all - well I have just completely fell OFF the wagon..lol  Guess that is one reason it has taken me so long to write anything here.  I am ashamed to admit that I have just gotten so off track it is hard to even see the goal anymore.  I knew this was going to be an uphill battle - but WOW.. I really thought it would go a little faster than this.

I have really just got to get back in the game and get going again. I have been away from the gym for a while now and I truly miss it! I started out skipping it because I was trying that HCG diet - and I was not eating enough calories to work out.  I now am still on hold because I recently had some surgery to remove more skin cancer - this time from my head and face - and I currently have 17 stitches in my head..so NO workouts until those come out and it is all healed.

Anyway - just wanted to post a quick update.. I will try really hard to stay on track and keep posting for ya'll =)

Cassi...Live,Laugh and Love

Depressed... not good!

Sorry for my absence all...  I celebrated by 40th.. yes yes  I made it to 40!!  Not quite Fabulous yet, but am on my way..  I took a recent pic to try and see if I could tell really how far I have come.. and I felt really good after looking at this one =)

I still have a ways to go..but it is nice to be able to look at pics and tell that I really have made some progress towards the goal.  It has been tough the last few weeks because I ate too much while the folks were in town (my fault..not theirs) and especially around my birthday..  then I got sick and I have had a really hard time getting over it..still not completely well yet.   The Eat Stop Eat thing just really was not for me.. I think I could do it more for  a maintenance type thing.. but it didn't help me lose any weight.  I gained the week of my birthday..of course  =)  but I did lose this week.. so that is good.

I have just been feeling really down lately..part of it I think is the cold I have had - but part of it is because my son has been talking about going in to the military for years.  It is what he has planned to do with his life for some time now.  I never dreamed he might not be able to do it simply because of something he was born with. It is very depressing!  He has ADHD and takes daily medication - but the military requires you to be off of any meds for at least a year prior to signing up.  Not only was this what my son really wants to do with his life - it was probably the only way he was going to get to go to college (I certainly don't have the money) and with his dad dying and being out of his life at such an early age..I felt this was something he truly NEEDED in his life.  I am just really down about it.  I mean, I will do whatever it takes to get him to school if that is what he chooses to do - but I don't know how to tell him he won't be able to join the National Guard in October. He is in R O T C at school and loves it! It has been sooo very good for him. I just don't know what to do...

Yes! On the road again... to success =)

Finally..  a weigh in - in the right direction!!  Yeah.. lost 3.5 this week  yee haw!  I have been mixing up my exercise program and I think it has helped some.  I think my body had gotten used to the exercise routine that I was doing and the mixing threw it for a loop ~ a good one. 

I have started spinning in place of step.. that has been an experience.  I like it tho.  I think it will be a while before I have a good solid ride though - meaning where I can stand when they say stand and stay up the whole time they are up..increase intensity every time she says to..etc..  But so far - I think I have done pretty well. I think I may need to get a knee brace tho for my left knee.. it is hurting some when I spin =(  

I am also walking more... when I first began this journey last year..that was my main form of exercise and it did me well then...  my lunch time classes have kind of gotten stale..so have decided when I don't want to do anything else.. I will just go walk.  I was amazed that I burned almost 600 calories yesterday by walking 3 miles at lunch. That is waaaay more than I ever burned at step or crunk at lunch.  I LOVE having the BodyBugg so that I actually know that =)

I also threw some swim time into the mix today. I love the water - and it feels sooo good right after a good spin to get in and swim a few laps.  My friend Cynthia that has lost so much weight - swims ALOT.. she is trying to get me start swimming at 5:30 when she does.. haha  I am sooo not a morning person.. but maybe this would help flip my body out a little too.. keep it guessing.. keep it burning =)

I am trying out a new eating program that I read about on one of the blogs I follow here - called "Eat Stop Eat".. basically you eat moderately 5 days out of the week and fast for 2. The thing is - you never go one entire day without eating.. you fast for 24 hours.. but you fast from like 8am Monday until 8am Tuesday..  so you would have eaten breakfast on Monday..I just started it this week and have fasted one day so far - I think I am going to like it. I am interested to see what the results on the scale will be..

Well... the BIG DAY is next week... Tuesday  to be exact.. weigh in day no less  haha  I will be the BIG 4 0!! I soo wanted to be at least halfway to my goal by now =(  It would also be really nice to have a boyfriend on my birthday for once..  I have been alone for so long - it stinks!!  I keep thinking there IS someone out there for me.. God just has him waiting for me.. but REALLY.. I am about to be FORTY...  send him on overrrrr already!!!  LOL

Ok guys.. headed to bed.. as always.. leave me love <3

Live..Love..Laugh and BodyJam!!
Cassi

Short and Sweet..well .. not so sweet haha

Sorry I have been MIA this last week... my folks are here and I have wanted to spend some extra time with them..and my job has been extremely busy as well...  the stress at work shows on the scale too =(  Had a gain this week..of a few pounds.  I also found I really like the new caramel frappe at McD's...that is temptation in a cup let me tell you.. haha  My crunk class has also been very disappointing lately..  I miss my Jam on Thursdays at lunch..Denise and Felicia really know how to crank it up.

Well.. it is past my bedtime..and my brother and his family are coming this weekend..so I won't get a chance to catch up this weekend.. but I promise I will catch up soon..

60 pounds to Onederland...and Spinning... =)

Well - hope you like the new look of my blog =)  I have been wanting to make it a little more playful and cute.. I like the monkies ~ they make me smile... hope they made you smile too  =)

Well  I gained a pound and a half this week ~ not the best way to start off my new beginning..lol  But that's ok.. it's all good.. I am going to get there.  I realized today that so far I had lost 60 pounds on this journey (yes I gained a few back.. not going to focus on that now) and I have 60 pounds to go until I hit ONEderland..  and then appx another 60 before I hit my final goal... pretty cool!  I can't wait to get to Onderland.. have not seen that far far away place in a LONGGGG time and man..have I missed it!!

I decided this week that maybe my body was getting a little too used to the same o same o activities that I have been doing.. so I thought I might need to swap it up a bit and maybe throw it for a loop.  I have been doing Body Step..Body Jam.. traded Body Pump for my free weights that my trainer started me on..sooo today I started a new class.  I tried spinning for the first time.  WOW!  I had a friend tell me my "no no" parts would really be hurting when I got done - and good grief she was not kidding!!  I thought my legs would burn.. or my backside would be sore (and who knows what tomorrow morning might bring haha) but surprisingly - they did not... but my "no no" was hurting so bad by the end of the ride it was unreal!!  Several people have told me by the time I do the 3rd class - all of that will have gone away and it won't bother me at all... I am going to stick it out and see what happens... but if it doesn't get better - there is no way I could endure this kind of pain several times a week - every week.. CrAzY!  lol

Well - guess I need to head to bed - get my Z's  =)

Live..Laugh..Love.. and BodyJam
Cassi

Hey Hey It's Friday *happy dance*

Sorry for the delay in posting this week all - it has not been a happy week on the scale.. but life in general is good =)  I didn't gain alot - but I did gain.  I have decided that starting this next week (on Tuesday since that is my "weigh day")  I am going to start weighing in as if I am starting at the beginning again - and not worry about a "total weight loss" right now.  I think that is one of the things which has gotten me depressed and has kind of kept me veering off track here and there is the fact that I gained some weight back over Christmas..so I have kind of been trying to get BACK to that weight before I really started saying..ok now I have lost THIS much..  and because it is taking me a while - I have gotten down and depressed and fallen off the wagon more than once lately.   

SO.. no more looking back - forward march from here!  =)    My folks made it into town and they will be here over the next month at least... until my BIG bday anyway.  That may be another thing that has really taken a toll on me - that date looming over my head.  When I began this joourney a little over a year ago now- I really wanted to look FABULOUS for my 40th bday.  Unfortunately - I have not quite reached the fabulous mark yet and that stinks.  But - I am not giving up - I will get there.  Wish I could lose as fast as some of these men I see on some of the blogs I am following...  it just amazes me how much faster men can lose! 

I also want to know how alot of these other folks that blog have SOOOO many followers...  I love the folks that do follow me, but it would rock my world if I could somehow up that number - and I have no idea how they do that..maybe they are just more interesting writers  haha

On that note.. I am going to close out for now - catch up with you all soon!

Live..Laugh..Love and BodyJam!
Cassi

Spring Spring Spring

What beautiful glorious days we have been having...I love it!  The scale was finally good to me again this week!  Yeah!  Also started a new release in BodyJam (52)  and it is Fab U Lous!!  =) 

This is going to be a short post because I am multi-tasking at work (shame shame) and I am afraid if I spend too much time online here - it won't be long and I will come in one day and this site too will be "blocked"  haha 

I had to share with you all the most fabulous thing that has happened to me in a while tho... I had told one of my friends when I began this journey that part of my goal was that I wanted to lose weight..get fit and feel great - but I wanted to go thru such an awesome physical transformation that I would be able to walk up to someone that had not seen me in a few years and they would not know me.  Well ~ today I had a message from a friend that I had sent a friend request on Facebook... she said " I have been trying to figure out where I know you from... your name seems familar, but I can't place you"  I had worked with this person a number of years ago and my last name had changed since we knew one another.  I explained to her who I was and how I knew her - she said " ohhhh wow!  You have lost ALOT of weight haven't u? You look sooo different!"    YEAH!!!  I love that....  sooo I am on my way!!

Live, Laugh and Body Jam!
Cassi

Julie Hadden - Biggest Loser Inspiration =)

Well - the scale was not nice to me again today.. still headed in the wrong direction =(  But we all know whose fault that is.. Is it the scales fault?? YES!!  haha  noooo... it is MINE..all MINE...  but alas.. I digress..once again.  I am however, trying really hard to get back in the groove for good and quit jumping on and off again like a crazy train!  I really really wanted to look MUCH different in my bathing suit this year - but I am not going to have that rockin hot bod I wanted to have by this time..  *sigh*  Anyway.. today I want to share an excerpt from a book I am reading called "Fat Chance" by Julie Hadden. Julie was on Season 4 of the Biggest Loser TV show in 2006 and later wrote this book to share her experiences there and how it has impacted her life since.  I am really not very far into the book yet - but it has had some really good chapters thus far.  I am going to take a few pages word for word and put them here (yes people..I know that is plageourism or however u spell that..haha  but I AM giving her credit before I copy it..) because I have really been struggling with staying on track lately and these few pages hit me DEAD ON today...  so here goes:

Daring to Lose the Weight...
If part of life experience is acknowledging the weight we were never intended to carry, then the other part is learning it is possible to lay it down.

Hebrews 12:1 says,"Therefore,since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." I had read that verse a dozen times before, but I'd never noticed how relevant it is to the process of losing weight.

What finally enabled me to start visualizing the "me I would be" was the practice of thinking about contestants from The Biggest Loser seasons previous to mine. I'd think about  the players who had gone before me and who had endeared themselves to me by their hard work and their determination to honor their goals. And I'd think about the dramatic transformation they'd known as a result of refusing to quit. It was yet one more example of my being accidentally biblical in my approach to life. Without intending to, I'd crafted my own "cloud of witnesses" that could inspire me and push me and see me through to the end.

For once, I could see the Julie that God intended me to be, the less burdened woman who had been hiding within. For once, I felt my body changing and those extra weights melting away. For once, I was doing it - I was actually finishing what I had started.

For once.

My newfound appreciation for that verse in Hebrews has caused me now to believe that everyone can throw off the extraneous things weighing her down. The writer of that verse didn't approach the idea timidly. It's not like he said,"You know, give it a little thought, and if it seems like a good idea to you, then maybe get rid of your weight."

Far from it.It's more like,"Get the weight gone, girl. Get it gone!" Remember the great cloud of witnesses. And throw off what hinders and entangles you. Think about who's gone before you, and choose now to lay down your weight.

I originally wanted to be on The Biggest Loser because I thought it was going to be fun. I wanted to be the cute, peppy, happy-go-lucky girl who made everything cheery and everyone laugh. But I got there and realized that the joke was on me. You see yourself differently when you are forced to acknowledge your weight, and ultimately to lay it all down. I felt crippled in every way while I was on campus: At various points along the journey, it seemed I'd been stripped of every form of support - emotional, physical, spiritual and more. But it would take being broken in every possible way before I'd agree to get my weight gone.

And so it is with that verse in Hebrews 12. The instructions found there only work when you stumble upon a crossroads and dare to take the riskier path. For me, that crossroads was the intersection of streets named Big Change and Big Forever. Would I embark on "big change" or would I settle for being "big forever"? Which path would I choose?

My self talk went something like this: "Decide today that you want this change badly enough to pursue the person you deserve to be, or say to yourself right now that you're going to be content with being fat every day for the rest of your life."

I was thirty-five years old and facing a do-or-die situation. Which path should I choose?



Those words from Julie could not have come on a better day for me...  big change or big forever?? I don't want to be big forever... if I did - I never would have begun this journey.  I already have a few "clouds of witnesses" that inspire me every day..whether they realize it or not.  I have Tyler - whose blog at http://www.344pounds.com/ inspired me to start the blog you are now reading.. and whose weight loss and own story are absolutely phenomonal! I have Nancy - my "gym buddy" who I met at the gym and has turned into one of my really good friends and is always encouraging and says the greatest things..exactly when I need her to!  My parents - who have always encouraged me.. no matter what.. even when I don't feel like getting out of bed.. much less hitting the gym  LOL  My beautiful boy.. tho he has NO clue that he keeps me going!!  My friend Cynthia (who I also met at the gym) this chic looks soo friggin amazing!! She has lost over 100 lbs in the past year and she always has an encouraging word for me!  My trainer..Jim - who I will always know as Jerry (insider) keeps me on my toes and works hard to keep me on track! My friend Belinda - who goes to work out with me at lunch - there have been lots of days I would not have gone if she had not been there with me! My friend Melissa is always very encouraging.. and I absolutely could never have made it thru without my Jam partner Jason!!  or my awesome instructors/friends... Felicia, Ashita and Michelle..Stephanie and Sue... those girls ROCK!!!   And Miss Dayna - who I can always count on to leave me a comment or two =) I am also hugely encouraged by all the other awesome bloggers I follow here... there are some incredible folks online.. you should check them out!  Thanks to ALLLLL of you!!

Live..Laugh..Love..and YESSSSSSSS  BODYJAM!!  =)
Cassi

A few steps forward.. huge leaps BACK =(

It's not THAT bad.. really... but some days it feels like it  haha  I gained this week  UGH..  I have to say I was expecting it as I ate like a mad woman this weekend..  I ate enough bread for 10 people...WHY do I do that?? I know good and well when I am popping it into my mouth that it is going to end up on my hips and thighs and show as a gain on that scale - but OMG it tastes soooo good... I just eat it anyways  lol  I want to get that "gym rat" attitude back and bust that scale wide open!!  haha  I can not WAIT to get back to ONEderland and stay there!!  But the more the scale seems to go up and down and up and down.. it worries me that this will be a "forever fight".  I  really don't want to fight this forever..yanno.  I always told myself that if I EVER got to where I wanted to be weight wise - I would NEVER be fat again.. because I hate being this way and I would just not let myself go like that again.  But I have to be honest here... I friggin LOVE food...and I have experienced just how EASY it is to gain 3 - 5 pounds back in a WEEK... a week people... not a month.. or a quarter...  a week!!  Do you know how depressing that is?? It really scares me...

On a different note..in my last post I had noted that I was beginning to see a very slight definition in my  arms..  One poster suggested that I take some pics and document my progress of my arms along the way.  I have to admit - I was not crazy about that idea..because honestly I think my upper arms look like wings instead of arms lol  But I did take some pics.. not sure if or when I will post them..  but I have to say - I was actually impressed somewhat when I looked at them.  At least - the one from the back... not with my arms - but with my overall siloutte.  I can really see a difference in my overall frame =)  That was good to see..  I am going to continue taking similar pics and may post some here from time to time. 

Ok..  about to head to bed..  need my rest to keep me going and stay healthy =)

Live..Laugh..Love
Cassi

need more momentum....

I am back on track...for the most part..lol  But I seriously need to see the numbers on the scale decreasing steadily...I lost this week..  but barely a pound.  I would give anything to see some higher numbers more consistently again.  I mean.. it is not like I am NEAR my goal weight and just need to lose that last 10 pounds. I have over 100 pounds to go..   I try to look at smaller goals and not get too discouraged by looking at the "big picture" so to speak - but it is really hard not to. 

On a good note... I am just starting to see the slight beginnings of some definition in my arms. It is not much - mind you..and most other people would probably not even notice... but seeing as how for me my upper arms, inner thighs and belly are my trouble spots as far as I am concerned.. I can tell =)  It will rock when the wings start to fade and become muscles rather than flabby skin  haha  but I am sure that will be a good while in coming. 

Well.. I will probably write more during the week..or on the weekend..but I have not been sleeping well and am very very tired.  I think I am going to turn it in...  later all..

Live, Laugh and Love
Cassi

So Blessed!

What a beautiful..gorgeous day this has been =)  We have had sooo many dreary, cold days - the sun popping thru those clouds today and the temp rising to an actual 60 degrees.. man I thought it was summertime already hehe  I went out last night with my singles group and we went to eat and then went roller skating.  It was really fun!  I have not been on skates in YEARS... but wow - it was really a blast!  I am so glad I have met this group of folks - they are pretty cool friends.  I wore my Body Bugg skating - and burned 700 calories in 2 hours!  It was awesome!  Then I got up this morning and went to Body Jam... burned 600 calories in about 50 minutes.  I posted on my facebook status that I had burned 600 calories in 50 minutes... that was ALMOST as fast as I could EAT them hehehe

While reading thru the comments on my last post... I noticed that Erika had given me the "Beautiful Blogger" award..  I have posted it on my Blog... check it out..super cool... THANKS ERIKA!!  That totally made my week!  Now..according to the rules of receiving the award... I have to post 7 things about myself... and then pass the award on to 7 other bloggers that I feel deserve it.  It was hard to pick 7 because I feel like there are ALOT of great blogs out there... but you will see my choices at the end.. Now on to the good stuff...ALL ABOUT ME  as Happy Bunny would say.... =)

1.  I am a Christian - this is the first thing I would ever want anyone to know about me.  I hope that if you are ever around me for any length of time.. you would know that and I wouldn't have to tell you  =)
2. I have an awesome 16 year old son whom I adore..and a gorgeous 17 year old step daughter that I am not allowed to see because of the new person in her dads life =(
3. My parents are  volunteer missionaries with the home mission board - and my brother is currently in seminary... very very very proud of all of them!
4. I work with the childrens ministry at my local church - and LOVE it!  Children are definately my passion!
5. I dream of having the kind of marriage my parents have...
6. I love to sing - tho I am not a professional by any stretch of the imagination... I love love love to just belt it out when I am driving down the road listening to the radio =)
7. I fear growing old alone...


ok... enough about me!  lol  Now on to the awards....  *clapping hands*

 

I would like to pass this award on to 7 very deserving ladies..  I enjoy reading their blogs and relate to them - really well =)  Thanks for sharing and keep it up ladies!!!  *drumroll please*

1. Keelie...  U can find her blog at http://wearelosingitblog.blogspot.com/

2. Michelle...  Look her up at http://www.secretsofaformerfatgirl.com/

3.  Ellen Burr...  Check her out.. http://keepingitoffblog.blogspot.com/ 

4. Dawne ...  Read her wisdom at http://dawneandgreg.blogspot.com/ 

5.  Someday SkinnyMinnie ... this is a girl after my own heart  lol  check it  http://anothertasteofthin.blogspot.com/ 

6.  Krys ..  click this one =)  http://krystros.blogspot.com/ 

7. Lynn ..last but not least.. http://blubberyblogger.blogspot.com/ 

Ok ladies... your turn to pass the torch =)  Have fun!

Cassi

The scale was good to me today =)

FINALLY!!  A move in the right direction  =)  I have really been trying to get back on track with my eating - and I worked really hard this week nutritionally as well as in the gym.. I LOVE it when it pays off  hehe  I lost 4.6 pounds this week  yeeeehaw!!  If I could only do THAT every week for the next year it would be fantabulous!!  I was sooo hoping to be minus at least 100 pounds by this month.  I have officially been at this new lifestyle now for a year...alot of people lose over 100lbs in a years time.. I thought surely I could do that - especially with as much time as I was spending in the gym!  But..  it just was not meant to be for me in that time frame I guess =(  so it will take me longer than I wanted it to - to meet my goals.. but rest assured..I WILL meet my goals!!  And I guess the slower I lose it...the better it is for my body - the more time it gives my skin to adjust to the loss and tighten back up so maybe I won't have all the nasty saggy skin that some people have when they lose alot of weight..AND hopefully it will also mean that it will be easier to keep it off =) 


My trainer pushed me today wanting me to voice some new goals - AND set a time frame to meet them in.. I kind of side stepped the challenge for a little while - soooo he decided to set them for me...lol  He wants me to hit 75 total pounds down by June  and hit 100 by November.  I think that is workable - but wow ..it would be AMAZING to hit the 100 by my birthday.. which is May 11th.  That is most likely an unreachable goal - but I tell you what..I am going to go full speed ahead these next two and a half months to see how close I can get to reaching it... I mean the title of this blog IS headed to forty and fabulous...and I WILL be forty in two and half months...sooo  hang with me folks and wait for the birthday pics =)  even if I don't hit the 100... I guarantee you my bday pics are going to be HOT  hehe


Live Laugh Love 
Cassi

Single forever??

Ya know.. I am usually not a big fan of the "pity party"...  and I try really hard to stay upbeat and have a positive outlook on life in general - but today.. I am just not there.  Today is one of those days when I would really like to crawl up inside a container of caramel sutra ice cream and eat my way out..lol  I am so sick and tired of being alone and wondering if I am going to be growing old all by myself.  I love my son and I spend alot of time with him - but that relationship does not even begin to touch that empty spot that has been inside of me for sooo long now.  People at work laugh at me because I DVR sooo many tv programs... but I do because that IS my life...I do plan my life by the tv guide  and let me tell you.. it is NOT a happy existence!  

Why are so many men so shallow and judgemental right off the bat?  I am not so naive to say that chemistry is not an important part of a relationship or that a great looking man does not turn my head and make my pulse quicken just like the next girl.  However, I do not write people off and refuse to get to know them based strictly on their looks!  I would have missed out on some wonderful people in my life if I had been that type of person.  Guys talk to me online..text with me.. chat with me on the phone and seem to be VERY drawn to my personality - and then 9 times out of 10 I send pics... POOF!  they disappear!  That is sooo hurtful.  The worst thing to me is alot of times.. they don't even bother to respond after getting pics - and some of these people I may have been having regular conversations with for days.  Yes - it may hurt my feelings to say "I am really not attracted to you after viewing your pics" - but at least I would not come away thinking all men were such JERKS!  I mean - come on.. be a MAN..  don't just friggin disappear!  Sometimes this is happening to me after they have seen pics and told me they thought I was beautiful... so when that happens..I have to wonder what I did/said to change their mind to the point that they decide to just ignore me.  Ignoring me brings out the worst in me - I cannot stand to be ignored...lol

Part of me feels like .."Man I need to hurry up and lose this next 100 lbs..so I can look like the super model all these guys want and then I can have MY pick of who I want to date.."  but then yanno - the more I think about that...  the more I think "why should I want someone that would not have given me the time of day NOW... how I look right NOW?"  It doesn't matter if I weigh 250 or 130... my heart and personality are still the same.. I AM STILL ME...  so then I get in that "why even bother" mood.. Anyways..sorry for the rant... just one of those days =(

Losing followers =(

Well.. I guess I need to get on the ball and stay on top of this blog..I am starting to lose my faithful followers  =(
That's sooo not a good thing because it is the comments from the crowd that keep me motivated and keep me plodding down this path!  I am having such a hard time getting back on the right track after the Christmas holidays...and I really don't understand why.  I have felt sooo great since losing the weight I have lost so far..why on earth would I sabatoge myself and start to gain it back??  My son has been so proud of me - I HAVE to get going again! 

My trainer - Jim.. has started me on a weight lifting regimen in addition to my aerobics. It nearly killed me the 1st week.. but am currently on the 3rd week and it is starting not to make me quite so sore every week =)  He is commenting about me on his FB page.. trying to use ME to motivate others.  Psshh..  he needs to quit.. I do not need that kind of pressure  haha  Now everyone is going to be watching my progress (hmm think that was his plan)  lol

Great to see my folks for an unexpected visit this week... I really wanted to have hit that 100 by April when they come back...  =(  That is not happening bar a miracle..  but I need to at least get back to and pass where I was before the holidays before then.  Ya'll cheer me on... I need it!!

Live..Laugh..Love and ?? 
Cassi

Back on track ~ Now full speed ahead!! woo woo!!

Alright guys... holidays are OVER... officially and unofficially and everything in between!  No more using that as an excuse!  My weigh in this morning took the scale in the right direction again FINALLY  =)  yes people..I had a loss  yeah!!  But you know I cannot tell you how much because I am saving that for my folks in April as a big surprise and hopefully it will be a GREAT one!

I sat down tonite and got serious on the body bugg journaling thingy too..I eat pretty much the same meals every day when I am sticking to my plan..with a little variety thrown in here and there to keep me going.so I sat down tonite and logged all my "normal" meals as recipes so when I am on track all I have to do is type a few words and it pulls up the exact calorie count for that whole meal.  Pretty cool =) 

I also just started a new work out plan this week. I met with my trainer (luv you Jim!!) over the weekend and while I had been throwing in some weights here and there already - I was not doing any kind of weight lifting plan consistently.  Welllll.... he changed that let me tell you... I am now lifting weights 4 days a week!  Monday is Chest/Tri..Tuesday is Legs (and man are mine weak right now lol)  rest Wednesday THANK THE LORD!!!  and Thursday will be Back/Bi and Friday is Shoulders/and something I cant remember..Lats maybe??  lol  I don't know..all greek to me! We were going over the exercises he was putting me on and he would say," ok.. the next one is Hack Squats... you know what that is..right?"  Pssshhh... I am 100 and something pounds overweight dude..do I LOOK like I know what a hack squat is??? hahaha   He was very sweet and patient with me and showed me each and every one!!  There is even a website I can go to and look them up as well because ya'll know by the time he got to the 2nd of 4 sheets..I was not remembering what a hack squat was..hehe  I have done day 1 and day 2... let's all pray that I make it to Friday without falling out somewhere.  Today was legs... I thought I did pretty well..  did all my reps/sets without crying =) but my legs were feeling a little rubbery as I headed out the door to my car.  I get to the curb to cross to the parking lot...take that one step down...and omg! I looked a little like a baby giraffe being born ..trying to find it's legs haha... My legs just gave way when I made that LITTLE step off the curb...haha  I was a little embarassed as 2 cars had actually stopped to let me cross over and I looked like a weeble wobble trying to get to my car!  =)

I also recruited my assistants mom to get on this journey with me...told her to catch the blog and she might get a shout out...hey Mrs. Sherry!!  she has NO idea what she got into when she asked me to hold her accountable  hehe  I needed someone to help do that for me... so we are going to help each other =)  I have a much longer journey than she does ~ but I hope she will hang in here with me!

Ok guys.. time to see if I can make it downstairs to my bed without falling on my face as my legs are STILL a little rubbery..  thanks to all of you hanging in here with me! I promise you are going to see me getting more consistent with the blog =)

Until next time...
Cassi

Stay Tuned...

Hey guys..my apologies to all of you who have been looking for a new post from me.  I promise I am going to get back on track this next week and stay more consistent =)  My followers are increasing..which excites me..lol  I also finally got to meet up with my trainer friend this weekend and he has started me on a more consistent weight lifting plan to go along with all the cardio I was already doing.  Now... if I can just get myself back on track with the eating...it should get real interesting again =)

Stay tuned and hang on for the ride..
Cassi

Need some motivation!!

I don't know WHAT is going on with me...I think when I jumped off the wagon at Christmas and gave in to my urges for sweets - it was the WORST thing I could have possibly done to myself.  I really thought I was good.. I was going to be able to just jump back in with both feet and start that scale moving in the right direction again..NOOOO PROBLEM...  W R O N G!!!!   I absolutely cannot seem to make myself stop eating bad things.  I know when I pick them up that it is the wrong thing to be putting in my mouth - yet I just stuff it right on in.  Why do I do that??  I have come waaay too far to sabatoge myself now - yet that is exactly what I am doing.  It is almost like I am doing it before I realize it - yet when I do..I just keep eating.  It is driving me crazy!! I have called my trainer friend who helped me get started and told him I really need him to try and help me get going again.  We are supposed to be meeting at the gym Saturday to go over a new weight lifting plan and also talk about some new eating choices soon.  The only thing with him is he stays sooo busy - sometimes our plans change and it is really hard to get some time with him =(

I had already decided back before Christmas that I was not going to post my weight stats here between January and April.  The reason for that is because my folks saw me last at Christmas and I will not see them again until sometime in April and I am HOPING that there is a HUGE difference in me between now and then and I would love to be able to surprise them =)  I had really hoped I would have hit my 100 mark by then as March will be a year since I began this journey... but unless the fat starts melting..I don't see that happening.  We will see I guess..  so stay tuned =)

Thanks all for tuning in - even when I have not been consistent with my postings... =)

Live..Laugh ..Love and BodyJam  =)
Cassi