WOW... what a kick in the butt!!

As you know - I have been going in the wrong direction lately.. I have gained back a good bit of the weight that I worked almost all of last year to lose. WHY do we do that to ourselves? Do I honestly think I am not worth the fight? Yeah - I guess sometimes I do..sadly.  I have been working back towards getting back on track for a few weeks now. My stitches are out - my head is healed and I have NO MORE EXCUSES to stay away from the gym. So why have I not jumped back in full steam? Not entirely sure - though a big part of it is that I am just too impatient. I want to see the weight just fall off as easily as it piled on. But that is just not going to happen.

I had a huge "awakening" tonite - that I am going to work hard to turn into motivation rather than the self-pity that I usually wallow in. I had found some old pictures in the basement and was looking through them..kind of trolling down memory lane. The pics were of me and my sons father on our honeymoon. I was barely 20 - and was about 100 lbs lighter than I am now.  My son was in the basement with me - looking at the pics. He made a comment about how small I was.. and asked me how skinny I had been in HS. I told him the truth - that I was never "skinny" - but had been in much better shape than he had ever seen me. There was also a little portfolio of pics from my senior year of HS.. one in particular where I was sitting on the couch with all our dogs. He looked at that pic and said,"Is this YOU?? really??"  It was a little funny - but it also reminded me of why I started this journey. I told my son when I started that I wanted to be "skinny" by his 17th birthday. I was getting into better shape for me - and that was a huge thing.. but I really want my son to look at me and feel proud - instead of ashamed. I am not going to make the goal of his 17th birthday.. but I hope I can get back on track and really get something accomplished.

One of the other things I did was take pics of me from all angles..if I knew it would not embarass my son to death, I would post one on the fridge to remind myself to stay out of it! These pics were certainly an eye opener for me. I look like a weeble wobble! It is shameful to see what I have allowed my body to become. I truly hope that I can someday be proud of what I see in the mirror.

Been a while....

Hey all - well I have just completely fell OFF the wagon..lol  Guess that is one reason it has taken me so long to write anything here.  I am ashamed to admit that I have just gotten so off track it is hard to even see the goal anymore.  I knew this was going to be an uphill battle - but WOW.. I really thought it would go a little faster than this.

I have really just got to get back in the game and get going again. I have been away from the gym for a while now and I truly miss it! I started out skipping it because I was trying that HCG diet - and I was not eating enough calories to work out.  I now am still on hold because I recently had some surgery to remove more skin cancer - this time from my head and face - and I currently have 17 stitches in my head..so NO workouts until those come out and it is all healed.

Anyway - just wanted to post a quick update.. I will try really hard to stay on track and keep posting for ya'll =)

Cassi...Live,Laugh and Love

Depressed... not good!

Sorry for my absence all...  I celebrated by 40th.. yes yes  I made it to 40!!  Not quite Fabulous yet, but am on my way..  I took a recent pic to try and see if I could tell really how far I have come.. and I felt really good after looking at this one =)

I still have a ways to go..but it is nice to be able to look at pics and tell that I really have made some progress towards the goal.  It has been tough the last few weeks because I ate too much while the folks were in town (my fault..not theirs) and especially around my birthday..  then I got sick and I have had a really hard time getting over it..still not completely well yet.   The Eat Stop Eat thing just really was not for me.. I think I could do it more for  a maintenance type thing.. but it didn't help me lose any weight.  I gained the week of my birthday..of course  =)  but I did lose this week.. so that is good.

I have just been feeling really down lately..part of it I think is the cold I have had - but part of it is because my son has been talking about going in to the military for years.  It is what he has planned to do with his life for some time now.  I never dreamed he might not be able to do it simply because of something he was born with. It is very depressing!  He has ADHD and takes daily medication - but the military requires you to be off of any meds for at least a year prior to signing up.  Not only was this what my son really wants to do with his life - it was probably the only way he was going to get to go to college (I certainly don't have the money) and with his dad dying and being out of his life at such an early age..I felt this was something he truly NEEDED in his life.  I am just really down about it.  I mean, I will do whatever it takes to get him to school if that is what he chooses to do - but I don't know how to tell him he won't be able to join the National Guard in October. He is in R O T C at school and loves it! It has been sooo very good for him. I just don't know what to do...

Yes! On the road again... to success =)

Finally..  a weigh in - in the right direction!!  Yeah.. lost 3.5 this week  yee haw!  I have been mixing up my exercise program and I think it has helped some.  I think my body had gotten used to the exercise routine that I was doing and the mixing threw it for a loop ~ a good one. 

I have started spinning in place of step.. that has been an experience.  I like it tho.  I think it will be a while before I have a good solid ride though - meaning where I can stand when they say stand and stay up the whole time they are up..increase intensity every time she says to..etc..  But so far - I think I have done pretty well. I think I may need to get a knee brace tho for my left knee.. it is hurting some when I spin =(  

I am also walking more... when I first began this journey last year..that was my main form of exercise and it did me well then...  my lunch time classes have kind of gotten stale..so have decided when I don't want to do anything else.. I will just go walk.  I was amazed that I burned almost 600 calories yesterday by walking 3 miles at lunch. That is waaaay more than I ever burned at step or crunk at lunch.  I LOVE having the BodyBugg so that I actually know that =)

I also threw some swim time into the mix today. I love the water - and it feels sooo good right after a good spin to get in and swim a few laps.  My friend Cynthia that has lost so much weight - swims ALOT.. she is trying to get me start swimming at 5:30 when she does.. haha  I am sooo not a morning person.. but maybe this would help flip my body out a little too.. keep it guessing.. keep it burning =)

I am trying out a new eating program that I read about on one of the blogs I follow here - called "Eat Stop Eat".. basically you eat moderately 5 days out of the week and fast for 2. The thing is - you never go one entire day without eating.. you fast for 24 hours.. but you fast from like 8am Monday until 8am Tuesday..  so you would have eaten breakfast on Monday..I just started it this week and have fasted one day so far - I think I am going to like it. I am interested to see what the results on the scale will be..

Well... the BIG DAY is next week... Tuesday  to be exact.. weigh in day no less  haha  I will be the BIG 4 0!! I soo wanted to be at least halfway to my goal by now =(  It would also be really nice to have a boyfriend on my birthday for once..  I have been alone for so long - it stinks!!  I keep thinking there IS someone out there for me.. God just has him waiting for me.. but REALLY.. I am about to be FORTY...  send him on overrrrr already!!!  LOL

Ok guys.. headed to bed.. as always.. leave me love <3

Live..Love..Laugh and BodyJam!!
Cassi

Short and Sweet..well .. not so sweet haha

Sorry I have been MIA this last week... my folks are here and I have wanted to spend some extra time with them..and my job has been extremely busy as well...  the stress at work shows on the scale too =(  Had a gain this week..of a few pounds.  I also found I really like the new caramel frappe at McD's...that is temptation in a cup let me tell you.. haha  My crunk class has also been very disappointing lately..  I miss my Jam on Thursdays at lunch..Denise and Felicia really know how to crank it up.

Well.. it is past my bedtime..and my brother and his family are coming this weekend..so I won't get a chance to catch up this weekend.. but I promise I will catch up soon..

60 pounds to Onederland...and Spinning... =)

Well - hope you like the new look of my blog =)  I have been wanting to make it a little more playful and cute.. I like the monkies ~ they make me smile... hope they made you smile too  =)

Well  I gained a pound and a half this week ~ not the best way to start off my new beginning..lol  But that's ok.. it's all good.. I am going to get there.  I realized today that so far I had lost 60 pounds on this journey (yes I gained a few back.. not going to focus on that now) and I have 60 pounds to go until I hit ONEderland..  and then appx another 60 before I hit my final goal... pretty cool!  I can't wait to get to Onderland.. have not seen that far far away place in a LONGGGG time and man..have I missed it!!

I decided this week that maybe my body was getting a little too used to the same o same o activities that I have been doing.. so I thought I might need to swap it up a bit and maybe throw it for a loop.  I have been doing Body Step..Body Jam.. traded Body Pump for my free weights that my trainer started me on..sooo today I started a new class.  I tried spinning for the first time.  WOW!  I had a friend tell me my "no no" parts would really be hurting when I got done - and good grief she was not kidding!!  I thought my legs would burn.. or my backside would be sore (and who knows what tomorrow morning might bring haha) but surprisingly - they did not... but my "no no" was hurting so bad by the end of the ride it was unreal!!  Several people have told me by the time I do the 3rd class - all of that will have gone away and it won't bother me at all... I am going to stick it out and see what happens... but if it doesn't get better - there is no way I could endure this kind of pain several times a week - every week.. CrAzY!  lol

Well - guess I need to head to bed - get my Z's  =)

Live..Laugh..Love.. and BodyJam
Cassi

Hey Hey It's Friday *happy dance*

Sorry for the delay in posting this week all - it has not been a happy week on the scale.. but life in general is good =)  I didn't gain alot - but I did gain.  I have decided that starting this next week (on Tuesday since that is my "weigh day")  I am going to start weighing in as if I am starting at the beginning again - and not worry about a "total weight loss" right now.  I think that is one of the things which has gotten me depressed and has kind of kept me veering off track here and there is the fact that I gained some weight back over Christmas..so I have kind of been trying to get BACK to that weight before I really started saying..ok now I have lost THIS much..  and because it is taking me a while - I have gotten down and depressed and fallen off the wagon more than once lately.   

SO.. no more looking back - forward march from here!  =)    My folks made it into town and they will be here over the next month at least... until my BIG bday anyway.  That may be another thing that has really taken a toll on me - that date looming over my head.  When I began this joourney a little over a year ago now- I really wanted to look FABULOUS for my 40th bday.  Unfortunately - I have not quite reached the fabulous mark yet and that stinks.  But - I am not giving up - I will get there.  Wish I could lose as fast as some of these men I see on some of the blogs I am following...  it just amazes me how much faster men can lose! 

I also want to know how alot of these other folks that blog have SOOOO many followers...  I love the folks that do follow me, but it would rock my world if I could somehow up that number - and I have no idea how they do that..maybe they are just more interesting writers  haha

On that note.. I am going to close out for now - catch up with you all soon!

Live..Laugh..Love and BodyJam!
Cassi