Headed to Forty n Fabulous..only 124 lbs to gooo

WOW... what a kick in the butt!!

2010-08-06T23:26:00.000-05:00

As you know - I have been going in the wrong direction lately.. I have gained back a good bit of the weight that I worked almost all of last year to lose. WHY do we do that to ourselves? Do I honestly think I am not worth the fight? Yeah - I guess sometimes I do..sadly. I have been working back towards getting back on track for a few weeks now. My stitches are out - my head is healed and I have NO MORE EXCUSES to stay away from the gym. So why have I not jumped back in full steam? Not entirely sure - though a big part of it is that I am just too impatient. I want to see the weight just fall off as easily as it piled on. But that is just not going to happen.

I had a huge "awakening" tonite - that I am going to work hard to turn into motivation rather than the self-pity that I usually wallow in. I had found some old pictures in the basement and was looking through them..kind of trolling down memory lane. The pics were of me and my sons father on our honeymoon. I was barely 20 - and was about 100 lbs lighter than I am now. My son was in the basement with me - looking at the pics. He made a comment about how small I was.. and asked me how skinny I had been in HS. I told him the truth - that I was never "skinny" - but had been in much better shape than he had ever seen me. There was also a little portfolio of pics from my senior year of HS.. one in particular where I was sitting on the couch with all our dogs. He looked at that pic and said,"Is this YOU?? really??" It was a little funny - but it also reminded me of why I started this journey. I told my son when I started that I wanted to be "skinny" by his 17th birthday. I was getting into better shape for me - and that was a huge thing.. but I really want my son to look at me and feel proud - instead of ashamed. I am not going to make the goal of his 17th birthday.. but I hope I can get back on track and really get something accomplished.

One of the other things I did was take pics of me from all angles..if I knew it would not embarass my son to death, I would post one on the fridge to remind myself to stay out of it! These pics were certainly an eye opener for me. I look like a weeble wobble! It is shameful to see what I have allowed my body to become. I truly hope that I can someday be proud of what I see in the mirror.

Been a while....

2010-07-12T18:33:00.000-05:00

Hey all - well I have just completely fell OFF the wagon..lol Guess that is one reason it has taken me so long to write anything here. I am ashamed to admit that I have just gotten so off track it is hard to even see the goal anymore. I knew this was going to be an uphill battle - but WOW.. I really thought it would go a little faster than this.

I have really just got to get back in the game and get going again. I have been away from the gym for a while now and I truly miss it! I started out skipping it because I was trying that HCG diet - and I was not eating enough calories to work out. I now am still on hold because I recently had some surgery to remove more skin cancer - this time from my head and face - and I currently have 17 stitches in my head..so NO workouts until those come out and it is all healed.

Anyway - just wanted to post a quick update.. I will try really hard to stay on track and keep posting for ya'll =)

Cassi...Live,Laugh and Love

Depressed... not good!

2010-05-25T19:12:00.001-05:00

Sorry for my absence all... I celebrated by 40th.. yes yes I made it to 40!! Not quite Fabulous yet, but am on my way.. I took a recent pic to try and see if I could tell really how far I have come.. and I felt really good after looking at this one =)

I still have a ways to go..but it is nice to be able to look at pics and tell that I really have made some progress towards the goal. It has been tough the last few weeks because I ate too much while the folks were in town (my fault..not theirs) and especially around my birthday.. then I got sick and I have had a really hard time getting over it..still not completely well yet. The Eat Stop Eat thing just really was not for me.. I think I could do it more for a maintenance type thing.. but it didn't help me lose any weight. I gained the week of my birthday..of course =) but I did lose this week.. so that is good.

I have just been feeling really down lately..part of it I think is the cold I have had - but part of it is because my son has been talking about going in to the military for years. It is what he has planned to do with his life for some time now. I never dreamed he might not be able to do it simply because of something he was born with. It is very depressing! He has ADHD and takes daily medication - but the military requires you to be off of any meds for at least a year prior to signing up. Not only was this what my son really wants to do with his life - it was probably the only way he was going to get to go to college (I certainly don't have the money) and with his dad dying and being out of his life at such an early age..I felt this was something he truly NEEDED in his life. I am just really down about it. I mean, I will do whatever it takes to get him to school if that is what he chooses to do - but I don't know how to tell him he won't be able to join the National Guard in October. He is in R O T C at school and loves it! It has been sooo very good for him. I just don't know what to do...

Yes! On the road again... to success =)

2010-05-04T22:08:00.000-05:00

Finally.. a weigh in - in the right direction!! Yeah.. lost 3.5 this week yee haw! I have been mixing up my exercise program and I think it has helped some. I think my body had gotten used to the exercise routine that I was doing and the mixing threw it for a loop ~ a good one.

I have started spinning in place of step.. that has been an experience. I like it tho. I think it will be a while before I have a good solid ride though - meaning where I can stand when they say stand and stay up the whole time they are up..increase intensity every time she says to..etc.. But so far - I think I have done pretty well. I think I may need to get a knee brace tho for my left knee.. it is hurting some when I spin =(

I am also walking more... when I first began this journey last year..that was my main form of exercise and it did me well then... my lunch time classes have kind of gotten stale..so have decided when I don't want to do anything else.. I will just go walk. I was amazed that I burned almost 600 calories yesterday by walking 3 miles at lunch. That is waaaay more than I ever burned at step or crunk at lunch. I LOVE having the BodyBugg so that I actually know that =)

I also threw some swim time into the mix today. I love the water - and it feels sooo good right after a good spin to get in and swim a few laps. My friend Cynthia that has lost so much weight - swims ALOT.. she is trying to get me start swimming at 5:30 when she does.. haha I am sooo not a morning person.. but maybe this would help flip my body out a little too.. keep it guessing.. keep it burning =)

I am trying out a new eating program that I read about on one of the blogs I follow here - called "Eat Stop Eat".. basically you eat moderately 5 days out of the week and fast for 2. The thing is - you never go one entire day without eating.. you fast for 24 hours.. but you fast from like 8am Monday until 8am Tuesday.. so you would have eaten breakfast on Monday..I just started it this week and have fasted one day so far - I think I am going to like it. I am interested to see what the results on the scale will be..

Well... the BIG DAY is next week... Tuesday to be exact.. weigh in day no less haha I will be the BIG 4 0!! I soo wanted to be at least halfway to my goal by now =( It would also be really nice to have a boyfriend on my birthday for once.. I have been alone for so long - it stinks!! I keep thinking there IS someone out there for me.. God just has him waiting for me.. but REALLY.. I am about to be FORTY... send him on overrrrr already!!! LOL

Ok guys.. headed to bed.. as always.. leave me love <3

Live..Love..Laugh and BodyJam!!
Cassi

Short and Sweet..well .. not so sweet haha

2010-04-29T22:54:00.000-05:00

Sorry I have been MIA this last week... my folks are here and I have wanted to spend some extra time with them..and my job has been extremely busy as well... the stress at work shows on the scale too =( Had a gain this week..of a few pounds. I also found I really like the new caramel frappe at McD's...that is temptation in a cup let me tell you.. haha My crunk class has also been very disappointing lately.. I miss my Jam on Thursdays at lunch..Denise and Felicia really know how to crank it up.

Well.. it is past my bedtime..and my brother and his family are coming this weekend..so I won't get a chance to catch up this weekend.. but I promise I will catch up soon..

60 pounds to Onederland...and Spinning... =)

2010-04-13T22:11:00.000-05:00

Well - hope you like the new look of my blog =) I have been wanting to make it a little more playful and cute.. I like the monkies ~ they make me smile... hope they made you smile too =)

Well I gained a pound and a half this week ~ not the best way to start off my new beginning..lol But that's ok.. it's all good.. I am going to get there. I realized today that so far I had lost 60 pounds on this journey (yes I gained a few back.. not going to focus on that now) and I have 60 pounds to go until I hit ONEderland.. and then appx another 60 before I hit my final goal... pretty cool! I can't wait to get to Onderland.. have not seen that far far away place in a LONGGGG time and man..have I missed it!!

I decided this week that maybe my body was getting a little too used to the same o same o activities that I have been doing.. so I thought I might need to swap it up a bit and maybe throw it for a loop. I have been doing Body Step..Body Jam.. traded Body Pump for my free weights that my trainer started me on..sooo today I started a new class. I tried spinning for the first time. WOW! I had a friend tell me my "no no" parts would really be hurting when I got done - and good grief she was not kidding!! I thought my legs would burn.. or my backside would be sore (and who knows what tomorrow morning might bring haha) but surprisingly - they did not... but my "no no" was hurting so bad by the end of the ride it was unreal!! Several people have told me by the time I do the 3rd class - all of that will have gone away and it won't bother me at all... I am going to stick it out and see what happens... but if it doesn't get better - there is no way I could endure this kind of pain several times a week - every week.. CrAzY! lol

Well - guess I need to head to bed - get my Z's =)

Live..Laugh..Love.. and BodyJam
Cassi

Hey Hey It's Friday happy dance

2010-04-09T11:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay in posting this week all - it has not been a happy week on the scale.. but life in general is good =) I didn't gain alot - but I did gain. I have decided that starting this next week (on Tuesday since that is my "weigh day") I am going to start weighing in as if I am starting at the beginning again - and not worry about a "total weight loss" right now. I think that is one of the things which has gotten me depressed and has kind of kept me veering off track here and there is the fact that I gained some weight back over Christmas..so I have kind of been trying to get BACK to that weight before I really started saying..ok now I have lost THIS much.. and because it is taking me a while - I have gotten down and depressed and fallen off the wagon more than once lately.

SO.. no more looking back - forward march from here! =) My folks made it into town and they will be here over the next month at least... until my BIG bday anyway. That may be another thing that has really taken a toll on me - that date looming over my head. When I began this joourney a little over a year ago now- I really wanted to look FABULOUS for my 40th bday. Unfortunately - I have not quite reached the fabulous mark yet and that stinks. But - I am not giving up - I will get there. Wish I could lose as fast as some of these men I see on some of the blogs I am following... it just amazes me how much faster men can lose!

I also want to know how alot of these other folks that blog have SOOOO many followers... I love the folks that do follow me, but it would rock my world if I could somehow up that number - and I have no idea how they do that..maybe they are just more interesting writers haha

On that note.. I am going to close out for now - catch up with you all soon!

Live..Laugh..Love and BodyJam!
Cassi

Spring Spring Spring

2010-03-31T13:29:00.000-05:00

What beautiful glorious days we have been having...I love it! The scale was finally good to me again this week! Yeah! Also started a new release in BodyJam (52) and it is Fab U Lous!! =)

This is going to be a short post because I am multi-tasking at work (shame shame) and I am afraid if I spend too much time online here - it won't be long and I will come in one day and this site too will be "blocked" haha

I had to share with you all the most fabulous thing that has happened to me in a while tho... I had told one of my friends when I began this journey that part of my goal was that I wanted to lose weight..get fit and feel great - but I wanted to go thru such an awesome physical transformation that I would be able to walk up to someone that had not seen me in a few years and they would not know me. Well ~ today I had a message from a friend that I had sent a friend request on Facebook... she said " I have been trying to figure out where I know you from... your name seems familar, but I can't place you" I had worked with this person a number of years ago and my last name had changed since we knew one another. I explained to her who I was and how I knew her - she said " ohhhh wow! You have lost ALOT of weight haven't u? You look sooo different!" YEAH!!! I love that.... sooo I am on my way!!

Live, Laugh and Body Jam!
Cassi

Julie Hadden - Biggest Loser Inspiration =)

2010-03-23T15:34:00.001-05:00

Well - the scale was not nice to me again today.. still headed in the wrong direction =( But we all know whose fault that is.. Is it the scales fault?? YES!! haha noooo... it is MINE..all MINE... but alas.. I digress..once again. I am however, trying really hard to get back in the groove for good and quit jumping on and off again like a crazy train! I really really wanted to look MUCH different in my bathing suit this year - but I am not going to have that rockin hot bod I wanted to have by this time.. *sigh* Anyway.. today I want to share an excerpt from a book I am reading called "Fat Chance" by Julie Hadden. Julie was on Season 4 of the Biggest Loser TV show in 2006 and later wrote this book to share her experiences there and how it has impacted her life since. I am really not very far into the book yet - but it has had some really good chapters thus far. I am going to take a few pages word for word and put them here (yes people..I know that is plageourism or however u spell that..haha but I AM giving her credit before I copy it..) because I have really been struggling with staying on track lately and these few pages hit me DEAD ON today... so here goes:

Daring to Lose the Weight...
If part of life experience is acknowledging the weight we were never intended to carry, then the other part is learning it is possible to lay it down.

Hebrews 12:1 says,"Therefore,since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." I had read that verse a dozen times before, but I'd never noticed how relevant it is to the process of losing weight.

What finally enabled me to start visualizing the "me I would be" was the practice of thinking about contestants from The Biggest Loser seasons previous to mine. I'd think about the players who had gone before me and who had endeared themselves to me by their hard work and their determination to honor their goals. And I'd think about the dramatic transformation they'd known as a result of refusing to quit. It was yet one more example of my being accidentally biblical in my approach to life. Without intending to, I'd crafted my own "cloud of witnesses" that could inspire me and push me and see me through to the end.

For once, I could see the Julie that God intended me to be, the less burdened woman who had been hiding within. For once, I felt my body changing and those extra weights melting away. For once, I was doing it - I was actually finishing what I had started.

For once.

My newfound appreciation for that verse in Hebrews has caused me now to believe that everyone can throw off the extraneous things weighing her down. The writer of that verse didn't approach the idea timidly. It's not like he said,"You know, give it a little thought, and if it seems like a good idea to you, then maybe get rid of your weight."

Far from it.It's more like,"Get the weight gone, girl. Get it gone!" Remember the great cloud of witnesses. And throw off what hinders and entangles you. Think about who's gone before you, and choose now to lay down your weight.

I originally wanted to be on The Biggest Loser because I thought it was going to be fun. I wanted to be the cute, peppy, happy-go-lucky girl who made everything cheery and everyone laugh. But I got there and realized that the joke was on me. You see yourself differently when you are forced to acknowledge your weight, and ultimately to lay it all down. I felt crippled in every way while I was on campus: At various points along the journey, it seemed I'd been stripped of every form of support - emotional, physical, spiritual and more. But it would take being broken in every possible way before I'd agree to get my weight gone.

And so it is with that verse in Hebrews 12. The instructions found there only work when you stumble upon a crossroads and dare to take the riskier path. For me, that crossroads was the intersection of streets named Big Change and Big Forever. Would I embark on "big change" or would I settle for being "big forever"? Which path would I choose?

My self talk went something like this: "Decide today that you want this change badly enough to pursue the person you deserve to be, or say to yourself right now that you're going to be content with being fat every day for the rest of your life."

I was thirty-five years old and facing a do-or-die situation. Which path should I choose?

Those words from Julie could not have come on a better day for me... big change or big forever?? I don't want to be big forever... if I did - I never would have begun this journey. I already have a few "clouds of witnesses" that inspire me every day..whether they realize it or not. I have Tyler - whose blog at http://www.344pounds.com/ inspired me to start the blog you are now reading.. and whose weight loss and own story are absolutely phenomonal! I have Nancy - my "gym buddy" who I met at the gym and has turned into one of my really good friends and is always encouraging and says the greatest things..exactly when I need her to! My parents - who have always encouraged me.. no matter what.. even when I don't feel like getting out of bed.. much less hitting the gym LOL My beautiful boy.. tho he has NO clue that he keeps me going!! My friend Cynthia (who I also met at the gym) this chic looks soo friggin amazing!! She has lost over 100 lbs in the past year and she always has an encouraging word for me! My trainer..Jim - who I will always know as Jerry (insider) keeps me on my toes and works hard to keep me on track! My friend Belinda - who goes to work out with me at lunch - there have been lots of days I would not have gone if she had not been there with me! My friend Melissa is always very encouraging.. and I absolutely could never have made it thru without my Jam partner Jason!! or my awesome instructors/friends... Felicia, Ashita and Michelle..Stephanie and Sue... those girls ROCK!!! And Miss Dayna - who I can always count on to leave me a comment or two =) I am also hugely encouraged by all the other awesome bloggers I follow here... there are some incredible folks online.. you should check them out! Thanks to ALLLLL of you!!

Live..Laugh..Love..and YESSSSSSSS BODYJAM!! =)
Cassi

A few steps forward.. huge leaps BACK =(

2010-03-16T21:14:00.000-05:00

It's not THAT bad.. really... but some days it feels like it haha I gained this week UGH.. I have to say I was expecting it as I ate like a mad woman this weekend.. I ate enough bread for 10 people...WHY do I do that?? I know good and well when I am popping it into my mouth that it is going to end up on my hips and thighs and show as a gain on that scale - but OMG it tastes soooo good... I just eat it anyways lol I want to get that "gym rat" attitude back and bust that scale wide open!! haha I can not WAIT to get back to ONEderland and stay there!! But the more the scale seems to go up and down and up and down.. it worries me that this will be a "forever fight". I really don't want to fight this forever..yanno. I always told myself that if I EVER got to where I wanted to be weight wise - I would NEVER be fat again.. because I hate being this way and I would just not let myself go like that again. But I have to be honest here... I friggin LOVE food...and I have experienced just how EASY it is to gain 3 - 5 pounds back in a WEEK... a week people... not a month.. or a quarter... a week!! Do you know how depressing that is?? It really scares me...

On a different note..in my last post I had noted that I was beginning to see a very slight definition in my arms.. One poster suggested that I take some pics and document my progress of my arms along the way. I have to admit - I was not crazy about that idea..because honestly I think my upper arms look like wings instead of arms lol But I did take some pics.. not sure if or when I will post them.. but I have to say - I was actually impressed somewhat when I looked at them. At least - the one from the back... not with my arms - but with my overall siloutte. I can really see a difference in my overall frame =) That was good to see.. I am going to continue taking similar pics and may post some here from time to time.

Ok.. about to head to bed.. need my rest to keep me going and stay healthy =)

Live..Laugh..Love
Cassi

need more momentum....

2010-03-09T21:21:00.000-06:00

I am back on track...for the most part..lol But I seriously need to see the numbers on the scale decreasing steadily...I lost this week.. but barely a pound. I would give anything to see some higher numbers more consistently again. I mean.. it is not like I am NEAR my goal weight and just need to lose that last 10 pounds. I have over 100 pounds to go.. I try to look at smaller goals and not get too discouraged by looking at the "big picture" so to speak - but it is really hard not to.

On a good note... I am just starting to see the slight beginnings of some definition in my arms. It is not much - mind you..and most other people would probably not even notice... but seeing as how for me my upper arms, inner thighs and belly are my trouble spots as far as I am concerned.. I can tell =) It will rock when the wings start to fade and become muscles rather than flabby skin haha but I am sure that will be a good while in coming.

Well.. I will probably write more during the week..or on the weekend..but I have not been sleeping well and am very very tired. I think I am going to turn it in... later all..

Live, Laugh and Love
Cassi

So Blessed!

2010-03-06T19:50:00.000-06:00

What a beautiful..gorgeous day this has been =) We have had sooo many dreary, cold days - the sun popping thru those clouds today and the temp rising to an actual 60 degrees.. man I thought it was summertime already hehe I went out last night with my singles group and we went to eat and then went roller skating. It was really fun! I have not been on skates in YEARS... but wow - it was really a blast! I am so glad I have met this group of folks - they are pretty cool friends. I wore my Body Bugg skating - and burned 700 calories in 2 hours! It was awesome! Then I got up this morning and went to Body Jam... burned 600 calories in about 50 minutes. I posted on my facebook status that I had burned 600 calories in 50 minutes... that was ALMOST as fast as I could EAT them hehehe

While reading thru the comments on my last post... I noticed that Erika had given me the "Beautiful Blogger" award.. I have posted it on my Blog... check it out..super cool... THANKS ERIKA!! That totally made my week! Now..according to the rules of receiving the award... I have to post 7 things about myself... and then pass the award on to 7 other bloggers that I feel deserve it. It was hard to pick 7 because I feel like there are ALOT of great blogs out there... but you will see my choices at the end.. Now on to the good stuff...ALL ABOUT ME as Happy Bunny would say.... =)

1. I am a Christian - this is the first thing I would ever want anyone to know about me. I hope that if you are ever around me for any length of time.. you would know that and I wouldn't have to tell you =)
2. I have an awesome 16 year old son whom I adore..and a gorgeous 17 year old step daughter that I am not allowed to see because of the new person in her dads life =(
3. My parents are volunteer missionaries with the home mission board - and my brother is currently in seminary... very very very proud of all of them!
4. I work with the childrens ministry at my local church - and LOVE it! Children are definately my passion!
5. I dream of having the kind of marriage my parents have...
6. I love to sing - tho I am not a professional by any stretch of the imagination... I love love love to just belt it out when I am driving down the road listening to the radio =)
7. I fear growing old alone...

ok... enough about me! lol Now on to the awards.... *clapping hands*

I would like to pass this award on to 7 very deserving ladies.. I enjoy reading their blogs and relate to them - really well =) Thanks for sharing and keep it up ladies!!! *drumroll please*

1. Keelie... U can find her blog at http://wearelosingitblog.blogspot.com/

2. Michelle... Look her up at http://www.secretsofaformerfatgirl.com/

3. Ellen Burr... Check her out.. http://keepingitoffblog.blogspot.com/

4. Dawne ... Read her wisdom at http://dawneandgreg.blogspot.com/

5. Someday SkinnyMinnie ... this is a girl after my own heart lol check it http://anothertasteofthin.blogspot.com/

6. Krys .. click this one =) http://krystros.blogspot.com/

7. Lynn ..last but not least.. http://blubberyblogger.blogspot.com/

Ok ladies... your turn to pass the torch =) Have fun!

Cassi

The scale was good to me today =)

2010-03-02T19:44:00.000-06:00

FINALLY!! A move in the right direction =) I have really been trying to get back on track with my eating - and I worked really hard this week nutritionally as well as in the gym.. I LOVE it when it pays off hehe I lost 4.6 pounds this week yeeeehaw!! If I could only do THAT every week for the next year it would be fantabulous!! I was sooo hoping to be minus at least 100 pounds by this month. I have officially been at this new lifestyle now for a year...alot of people lose over 100lbs in a years time.. I thought surely I could do that - especially with as much time as I was spending in the gym! But.. it just was not meant to be for me in that time frame I guess =( so it will take me longer than I wanted it to - to meet my goals.. but rest assured..I WILL meet my goals!! And I guess the slower I lose it...the better it is for my body - the more time it gives my skin to adjust to the loss and tighten back up so maybe I won't have all the nasty saggy skin that some people have when they lose alot of weight..AND hopefully it will also mean that it will be easier to keep it off =)

My trainer pushed me today wanting me to voice some new goals - AND set a time frame to meet them in.. I kind of side stepped the challenge for a little while - soooo he decided to set them for me...lol He wants me to hit 75 total pounds down by June and hit 100 by November. I think that is workable - but wow ..it would be AMAZING to hit the 100 by my birthday.. which is May 11th. That is most likely an unreachable goal - but I tell you what..I am going to go full speed ahead these next two and a half months to see how close I can get to reaching it... I mean the title of this blog IS headed to forty and fabulous...and I WILL be forty in two and half months...sooo hang with me folks and wait for the birthday pics =) even if I don't hit the 100... I guarantee you my bday pics are going to be HOT hehe

Live Laugh Love
Cassi

Single forever??

2010-02-22T21:09:00.000-06:00

Ya know.. I am usually not a big fan of the "pity party"... and I try really hard to stay upbeat and have a positive outlook on life in general - but today.. I am just not there. Today is one of those days when I would really like to crawl up inside a container of caramel sutra ice cream and eat my way out..lol I am so sick and tired of being alone and wondering if I am going to be growing old all by myself. I love my son and I spend alot of time with him - but that relationship does not even begin to touch that empty spot that has been inside of me for sooo long now. People at work laugh at me because I DVR sooo many tv programs... but I do because that IS my life...I do plan my life by the tv guide and let me tell you.. it is NOT a happy existence!

Why are so many men so shallow and judgemental right off the bat? I am not so naive to say that chemistry is not an important part of a relationship or that a great looking man does not turn my head and make my pulse quicken just like the next girl. However, I do not write people off and refuse to get to know them based strictly on their looks! I would have missed out on some wonderful people in my life if I had been that type of person. Guys talk to me online..text with me.. chat with me on the phone and seem to be VERY drawn to my personality - and then 9 times out of 10 I send pics... POOF! they disappear! That is sooo hurtful. The worst thing to me is alot of times.. they don't even bother to respond after getting pics - and some of these people I may have been having regular conversations with for days. Yes - it may hurt my feelings to say "I am really not attracted to you after viewing your pics" - but at least I would not come away thinking all men were such JERKS! I mean - come on.. be a MAN.. don't just friggin disappear! Sometimes this is happening to me after they have seen pics and told me they thought I was beautiful... so when that happens..I have to wonder what I did/said to change their mind to the point that they decide to just ignore me. Ignoring me brings out the worst in me - I cannot stand to be ignored...lol

Part of me feels like .."Man I need to hurry up and lose this next 100 lbs..so I can look like the super model all these guys want and then I can have MY pick of who I want to date.." but then yanno - the more I think about that... the more I think "why should I want someone that would not have given me the time of day NOW... how I look right NOW?" It doesn't matter if I weigh 250 or 130... my heart and personality are still the same.. I AM STILL ME... so then I get in that "why even bother" mood.. Anyways..sorry for the rant... just one of those days =(

Losing followers =(

2010-02-18T21:19:00.000-06:00

Well.. I guess I need to get on the ball and stay on top of this blog..I am starting to lose my faithful followers =(
That's sooo not a good thing because it is the comments from the crowd that keep me motivated and keep me plodding down this path! I am having such a hard time getting back on the right track after the Christmas holidays...and I really don't understand why. I have felt sooo great since losing the weight I have lost so far..why on earth would I sabatoge myself and start to gain it back?? My son has been so proud of me - I HAVE to get going again!

My trainer - Jim.. has started me on a weight lifting regimen in addition to my aerobics. It nearly killed me the 1st week.. but am currently on the 3rd week and it is starting not to make me quite so sore every week =) He is commenting about me on his FB page.. trying to use ME to motivate others. Psshh.. he needs to quit.. I do not need that kind of pressure haha Now everyone is going to be watching my progress (hmm think that was his plan) lol

Great to see my folks for an unexpected visit this week... I really wanted to have hit that 100 by April when they come back... =( That is not happening bar a miracle.. but I need to at least get back to and pass where I was before the holidays before then. Ya'll cheer me on... I need it!!

Live..Laugh..Love and ??
Cassi

Back on track ~ Now full speed ahead!! woo woo!!

2010-02-02T23:16:00.000-06:00

Alright guys... holidays are OVER... officially and unofficially and everything in between! No more using that as an excuse! My weigh in this morning took the scale in the right direction again FINALLY =) yes people..I had a loss yeah!! But you know I cannot tell you how much because I am saving that for my folks in April as a big surprise and hopefully it will be a GREAT one!

I sat down tonite and got serious on the body bugg journaling thingy too..I eat pretty much the same meals every day when I am sticking to my plan..with a little variety thrown in here and there to keep me going.so I sat down tonite and logged all my "normal" meals as recipes so when I am on track all I have to do is type a few words and it pulls up the exact calorie count for that whole meal. Pretty cool =)

I also just started a new work out plan this week. I met with my trainer (luv you Jim!!) over the weekend and while I had been throwing in some weights here and there already - I was not doing any kind of weight lifting plan consistently. Welllll.... he changed that let me tell you... I am now lifting weights 4 days a week! Monday is Chest/Tri..Tuesday is Legs (and man are mine weak right now lol) rest Wednesday THANK THE LORD!!! and Thursday will be Back/Bi and Friday is Shoulders/and something I cant remember..Lats maybe?? lol I don't know..all greek to me! We were going over the exercises he was putting me on and he would say," ok.. the next one is Hack Squats... you know what that is..right?" Pssshhh... I am 100 and something pounds overweight dude..do I LOOK like I know what a hack squat is??? hahaha He was very sweet and patient with me and showed me each and every one!! There is even a website I can go to and look them up as well because ya'll know by the time he got to the 2nd of 4 sheets..I was not remembering what a hack squat was..hehe I have done day 1 and day 2... let's all pray that I make it to Friday without falling out somewhere. Today was legs... I thought I did pretty well.. did all my reps/sets without crying =) but my legs were feeling a little rubbery as I headed out the door to my car. I get to the curb to cross to the parking lot...take that one step down...and omg! I looked a little like a baby giraffe being born ..trying to find it's legs haha... My legs just gave way when I made that LITTLE step off the curb...haha I was a little embarassed as 2 cars had actually stopped to let me cross over and I looked like a weeble wobble trying to get to my car! =)

I also recruited my assistants mom to get on this journey with me...told her to catch the blog and she might get a shout out...hey Mrs. Sherry!! she has NO idea what she got into when she asked me to hold her accountable hehe I needed someone to help do that for me... so we are going to help each other =) I have a much longer journey than she does ~ but I hope she will hang in here with me!

Ok guys.. time to see if I can make it downstairs to my bed without falling on my face as my legs are STILL a little rubbery.. thanks to all of you hanging in here with me! I promise you are going to see me getting more consistent with the blog =)

Until next time...
Cassi

Stay Tuned...

2010-01-30T16:57:00.000-06:00

Hey guys..my apologies to all of you who have been looking for a new post from me. I promise I am going to get back on track this next week and stay more consistent =) My followers are increasing..which excites me..lol I also finally got to meet up with my trainer friend this weekend and he has started me on a more consistent weight lifting plan to go along with all the cardio I was already doing. Now... if I can just get myself back on track with the eating...it should get real interesting again =)

Stay tuned and hang on for the ride..
Cassi

Need some motivation!!

2010-01-20T19:59:00.000-06:00

I don't know WHAT is going on with me...I think when I jumped off the wagon at Christmas and gave in to my urges for sweets - it was the WORST thing I could have possibly done to myself. I really thought I was good.. I was going to be able to just jump back in with both feet and start that scale moving in the right direction again..NOOOO PROBLEM... W R O N G!!!! I absolutely cannot seem to make myself stop eating bad things. I know when I pick them up that it is the wrong thing to be putting in my mouth - yet I just stuff it right on in. Why do I do that?? I have come waaay too far to sabatoge myself now - yet that is exactly what I am doing. It is almost like I am doing it before I realize it - yet when I do..I just keep eating. It is driving me crazy!! I have called my trainer friend who helped me get started and told him I really need him to try and help me get going again. We are supposed to be meeting at the gym Saturday to go over a new weight lifting plan and also talk about some new eating choices soon. The only thing with him is he stays sooo busy - sometimes our plans change and it is really hard to get some time with him =(

I had already decided back before Christmas that I was not going to post my weight stats here between January and April. The reason for that is because my folks saw me last at Christmas and I will not see them again until sometime in April and I am HOPING that there is a HUGE difference in me between now and then and I would love to be able to surprise them =) I had really hoped I would have hit my 100 mark by then as March will be a year since I began this journey... but unless the fat starts melting..I don't see that happening. We will see I guess.. so stay tuned =)

Thanks all for tuning in - even when I have not been consistent with my postings... =)

Live..Laugh ..Love and BodyJam =)
Cassi

Ready for a New Year....New Me?? ... YOU BET!!!

2009-12-29T21:36:00.000-06:00

Well... this has been a trying year in alot of ways.. but I turn 40 in 2010 and as the name of my blog implies I AM headed to 40 and FAB U LOUS baby!! It may take me a little longer to get to the actual goal I think I want to be at - or I may decide that the weight I chose is not a healthy weight for me..only time will tell that - but I definately still have a long way to go before I am happy with what I see when I look in the mirror every morning. That has begun to change ever so slowly though as I start to see the small differences here and there as the weight comes off.

The last few weeks I have been off as far as keeping up with what I am eating..how many calories I am burning, etc..even with my newfound friend (the BodyBugg!!) hehe I have also given in to some of my urges and splurged more than I probably should have - but I don't think I went TOOO crazy..haha Just between my son and I we polished off a dozen cupcakes..and a couple a dozen cookies..and I ate a whole bag of sour cream and onion pototoe chips!! YUMMMM!! haha I have to admit the chips ARE a weakness of mine..and I generally just do NOT buy them which keeps me from eating them =) but it is good to give in every once in a while... like I say.. I AM NOT ON A DIET!! =) haha I know everyone gets tired of hearing me say that...but it really is important to me that everyone realize that and does not act like I have commited some carnal sin when I splurge every now and again.. I am human afterall..

I somehow also got off on the keeping up with the scale. But - since Thanksgiving.. I have gained a total of 4 pounds.. not too shabby I think. That is workable! It would be really great if I could get more disciplined and make the BodyBugg work FOR me like it is supposed to =) That is going to be one of my goals thru out the next year is to make food journaling second nature and to always..always end the day with a calorie deficit!! YES!!

I hope everyone does something fun for the New Year and stay tuned for some updated pics soon! Thanks all for following me and leaving comments... it really DOES help to keep me motivated..

Live..Laugh and BODYJAM!!
Cassi

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MEE!!

2009-12-16T19:40:00.000-06:00

I finally got a Body Bugg..woo hooo!!! My awesome parents gave me a little money for Christmas..so I decided to go ahead and lease one from Total Health by Elizabeth =) I got it last Saturday and it is really cool! I have just started this week wearing it and checking out how many calories I am burning in all of my different exercise classes...very interesting. I have not REALLY gotten into it yet tho enough to start posting numbers because I am trying to prepare for a short break and it has been crazy!! So stay tuned for those!

Weigh in numbers this week were not so great..I gained...again. 1.2 pounds =( But..I did go to a really cool Christmas party with my friend Nancy from the Y and met some new friends...so I am thinking it was worth it... I just have to be careful not to let it keep trending upwards. I have an out of town venture to visit with my family this weekend..so I will probably make some poor choices there..but hopefully I won't get too far off base.

Have a good week and stay tuned for the Body Bugg updates.. =)

UGH .. come on now! lol

2009-12-08T20:15:00.000-06:00

Well - another weigh in day is here... not too bad - but not where I wanna be either =( I have been off track this week ..I actually went to the gym last night for the first time since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. My body was like whaaaa?? lol I was feeling sickly all last week - mainly with a migraine..so I did not hit the gym. Plus - I did not eat great - sooo the two factors combined got me this week. I did not even gain a full pound .8 to be exact... so not a big deal - but I want the scale to keep moving in the OTHER direction..lol I actually hit my 60 lb mark during last week - but since it was not on an "official" weigh in..I guess I will wait until I can really count it haha

I have made up my mind to get a Body Bugg =) My parents are giving me part of it for Christmas..so I am going to lease it for a little while and make sure I want to purchase it before jumping all the way in. I really do think it is going to be a really cool tool to use on my journey.. we'll see!! I can't wait to compare how certain exercises burn more calories than others, etc. Should be interesting..

Until then...
Live..Laugh and BodyJam =)
Cassi

THANKFUL INDEED!!! =)

2009-12-01T19:29:00.000-06:00

Sorry I missed posting last week - this has been a very trying few weeks for me in several areas. I actually gained .6 at my weigh in before today...but holy cow..when I stepped up on the scale today I was blown away!! I had lost a little over 4 lbs during the week of THANKSGIVING!! yeee haw! I was sooo happy to see that number. Brings my total to 59.2 lbs lost - which means I am almost ready to start on my 5th goal =) See..I am working towards my final destination in smaller goals of 15 lbs each. I have never lost this much weight in my entire life and it feels fabulous! I have dieted many times before - but typically I lose 40..maybe 45 lbs .. and I may keep it off a little while before it begins to creep back up on me. I feel like this time it is really different..in a lot of ways. The main one being that I don't feel like I am on a diet. I have said all along - I am NOT dieting..I am changing my entire lifestyle. I am also at the point in my life where I am not doing this for anyone but me. So look out world - that skinny girl that has been trapped inside this big 'ol fat body is on the way out! And she is smokin' hot!! lol Stay tuned...

Live..Love & BodyJam..
Cassi

WOOT WOOT!! =)

2009-11-17T21:44:00.000-06:00

Allright!! Back on the right track..yeah!! I lost 3.8 pounds this week woo hoo!! Brings me to a total of 56 total pounds lost - which is very awesome..not really complaining...but when I look at my overall goal and where I should be...I am actually 16 pounds behind. =( Sooo..I guess I just need to take a deep breath..buckle down and get busy and get it done!!

I found a new class tonite that I think I am going to love almost as much as Body Jam. I think my body had begun to get too used to some of the things I was doing - so I have been trying to change it up just a bit and see what happens. I did Zumba first tonite - which I have done before, but really wasn't crazy about it. It was a little better tonite - but still not a fav. But then, I tried a brand new class that a friend had told me about called "Jump to It". It is an aerobics class..done on mini-tramps! OMG it was a WORK-OUT baby!! I just hope I can walk tomorrow haha I just need to double up on my jog bras next week to see if that helps any with the "bouce" haha

Alright guys..need to get some rest now..time to sign off.. Leave luv!!

Live,Laugh & Love...
Cassi

Maybe it's the rain?!?

2009-11-10T20:04:00.000-06:00

hahaha not really...I know FULL well that I have no one to blame for the scale this week but ME :-/ I gained two and a half pounds this week. Why is it soooo easy to gain it and so friggin hard to lose it again? Just seems so unfair! I mean..it is not rocket science - I know I ate ALL the wrong things ALL weekend long. I love my weekends - but they are my downfall alot of the time. I sit home - watching the TV..and inevitably end up stuffing my face with things that I would not dream of eating during the week. WHY do I do that? I work soo hard all week long - and then blow it all in 2 days!! And it is not because I don't work out on the weekends either..because almost every saturday I spend at least 2 hours in the gym. I work it too.. Here is a pic of me at the gym one Saturday morning before my workout and then right after my 2nd hour.. I definately give it my all...lol

The back of my hair is as wet as the front here..lol

I also love the way I feel after a good long workout. I am always super tired - but energized at the same time if that makes any sense. Lately tho - I have been having problems with one of my heels. It doesn't bother me much while I am working out..but as soon as I quit - it really hurts. Sometimes I can't even walk on it afterwards..which is odd. Several folks have told me they thought I may have a bone spur in my heel =( Not good. But I have to work out... I have waaay too far to go to quit now. I may just have to get myself an early Christmas present and invest in some new shoes. I hate to do that because I have spent so much money on shoes since I started working out - but I really need these. I have done alot of research and asked around and I feel like these will be the ticket. I am looking at Nike Shox Ballo cross trainers. I don't know - maybe I could sell some of the others I have bought that are barely used on craigs list or something.

I am also still looking into the BodyBugg.. I really think it's cool =)

Ok peeps..that's all for now..leave stuff and spread the word..

Live..laugh..Love
Cassi

Rats...

2009-11-04T19:34:00.001-06:00

I sooo wanted to lose this week - even if it was just a pound..lol But I guess maintaining over Halloween weekend was pretty good =) At least I did not gain either..that's something I guess. I am beginning to get more followers..so I am going to have to do much better with my updates. I think of stuff all thru the day that I will want to share - but alot of times by the time I get home at night it has completely left me..lol I need to be up on my treadclimber right now working my butt off because I just ate hot wings for dinner :-0 hehe but they were sooo good! I had southwestern eggrolls from Chilis on Monday too. Yanno - this IS real life... there are going to be days when I just have to have what I am craving to be able to continue on my journey. I am ..afterall..NOT on a diet =)

I finally got set up on the FitLinx machines at the downtown gym today..yeah! I have been set up on them at the gym closest to my house almost the entire time I have been working out again..but also spend alot of time at the downtown branch..so it will be great to be able to do the weights there now as well. I reached my "yellow" level last week..earning a workout towel. I had previously won a water bottle for the 1st level. Those are silly little awards - the towel I will probably never use, but it still felt great to reach that level.

My son is now driving - which is great..but also kind of stressful. He does a great job.. but it does not keep me from worrying about him daily..lol He is a great motivator that keeps me moving towards my goal. He told me the other day how proud he was of me for "sticking with it this time". I can not wait to pose for that "skinny" pic and be able to see the proud look on his face!

Well.. guess it is time for me to call it a night...more later =)

Live,Laugh..Love -

Cassi

YES YES YES YES!!!!!

2009-10-27T20:18:00.000-05:00

I ALMOST KISSED MY SCALE THIS MORNING!!! =) I LOST 7 LBS THIS WEEK PEOPLE....YES THATS RIGHT..I SAID 7...WOOOO HOOOO!!! NUFF SAID LOL MORE LATER..

This and That...

2009-10-25T17:11:00.000-05:00

Today I am just going to ramble a bit... hope u enjoy it..lol I am learning that I am more and more like my mother everyday. When I was a teenager I used to think the LAST person I ever wanted to emulate was my mother! I always said "when I grow up and have children...I am NOT going to be like YOU" haha surprise.... guess who I see more and more each and every day. But you know what - I can only hope that I am half the person my dear mother is.. she has to be the most God fearing woman I have ever known. I love her with all my heart! I said all of that basically just to say that I am rambling here like my mom does on her newsletter on their website =) At least that is what she calls it - yet it is always enjoyable to read. I hope mine is the same..

This week has definately been a different week for me. My trainer put me on more of a "canned diet" than I have been on so far. I had been having problems knowing what to eat..how much to eat, etc for the number of calories I was supposed to have at this point. It was causing me to really be on the merry go round when it came to the scale - up one week..down one week. I was getting extremely discouraged. The diet he gave me is a little tough because it is important to eat EXACTLY the items on the list...and some of them I was not crazy about in the beginning. Cottage cheese is an example of one of those items. In the past - you could not have paid me to put that icky stuff in my mouth - I am now eating it at least once a day..sometimes twice. I do feel like I have lost this week - the true test will come Tuesday when I step up on the scale. Jim said he wished I would just stay off the scale - but I really do not know how to do that and still be able to monitor my progress.

I don't know if any of you were fans of the tv show "Ruby" on Oxygen. But I always had it on my DVR and watched it all the time. She is such a beautiful woman and I relate to her sooo much it is not even funny. In some of the very first episodes - she was telling how everyone always told her what a beautiful FACE she had..and how she was soo sick of being just a pretty face. She wanted to have the body to go along with the face and the personality. That is SOOO me. If I had a nickel for every time in my life someone told me what a great personality I had or that I had such a pretty face, I would be a millionaire by now. It really gets old and almost is degrading to hear people say that because you know if they are saying it that way...it means they don't find the whole package attractive =( One of the last episodes of the season this year just really pulled my heart strings. I sat watching it and bawled almost the entire time - I think because I could relate so well to all of the young girls. Ruby had gone to "fat camp" to talk to the kids and encourage them. One of the exercises she had them do was to write down their dreams on a piece of paper...if they were comfortable - she wanted them to read it to the group. These were girls and boys ranging in age from like 10 - 17. Some of their dreams were: to grow up and become a doctor, be a teacher, etc.. the ones that got to me were the ones that put down dreams like the 10 year old that wrote she wanted to get thru one whole day without someone making fun of her...or the 13 yr old that wrote she would like to be able to cross her legs instead of her feet when she sits.. or the 15 yr old that wrote she would like to have a boyfriend one day. I have felt each and every one of these very same things.

Do any of you ever watch shows like "The Biggest Loser" or "DietTribe" or any other weight loss type show where it will give you the persons weight - and if there is someone on there even close to your weight ..you compare how you look? I wonder sometimes if I am in denial to a point because recently when I was watching "Dance your ass off" - there were girls on there that weighed LESS than me but when I looked at them all I could think was WOW..do I look like THAT?? And alot of times I feel really good about myself until I see myself in pictures...what is it with that? I look in the mirror all the time..every day as a matter of fact. But I always look soo much fatter in picures. lol

Ok well.. it is getting late and I still need to get up off my butt and go to the grocery store for I am out of cottage cheese and chicken..lol I also have not exercised today - which I really need to do...soooo I guess I will check in with you guys on Tuesday...hopefully with good news =) Until then...

Oh yeah.. here is a pic of me and my girl Michelle at BodyJam... not a great pic of me as I had just finished BodyStep and was headed in to BodyJam... but I love it cuz it is with Michelle and I love this girl!! She helps to keep me soo motivated.. Thanks Michelle! Oh and for the record I am pretty sure she spells her name differently than I do..but not sure how..lol sorry.. I still love ya girl!!

thanks all for reading and commenting =)

Surprise?? Not really.. :-/

2009-10-21T18:56:00.000-05:00

Well.. I had an awesome week.. and it shows on the scale. That soo totally sux!! It is soooo easy to put it on and so hard to take it off... just not fair!! LOL
I gained 4 pounds this week =( It will probably take me 3 weeks to take that back off UGH!! But it was not really a surprise..as I ate pretty much whatever I wanted this last week.

Soooo...I jumped back on the wagon this week full speed ahead. Body Jam 50 premiered Monday night at the Shelby County Y and OMGGGG it was INCREDIBLE!! I am going to love that one =) I also received a new home exercise thing that I had ordered previously called "The Wave" from the Firm... going to rock that wave and see what happens hehe

I still want a BodyBugg really bad!! But my sweet trainer Jim is working really hard trying to get my eating back on track..I have even been eating cottage cheese for breakfast - and those of you that know me personally..knows that is HUGE!! lol

I had a really awesome weekend with my friend from HS..Sandy =) Her lil baby dog is so cute..I was allergic to her fur - but she was so cute I didn't care.. am putting a pic of her here so u can see what I mean hehe Her "mommy" dresses her up and dotes on her worse than a child lol But it was alot of fun..thanks Sandy..I needed that girl! Can't wait until the Ala/AU game - hope I get to come!!

Cynthia girl.. u look awesome!! I hope I can get to where u are... you keep me going!! I am so proud of you!!
Laters guys!!

Kimmy in her "snuggie"

Getting Frustrated...

2009-10-13T20:58:00.000-05:00

Ok... well to begin I DID lose this week.. one whole pound. I know, I know - at least I lost and a pound is a pound is a pound.. but I feel like I am forever losing the SAME pound! I don't seem to be moving forward like I had been in the beginning. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. There are some weeks I can tell you exactly where I went wrong yanno.. like when I eat a whole pizza or ice cream or whatever else I am craving at the time. But when I am watching what I eat and exercising diligently I don't get why I can't or am not losing like I want to be losing. It is very frustrating. I think one of the biggest things is I am not SURE I am eating the right amount of calories to optimize my weight loss. My trainer - well ..the trainer that is nice enough to help me on the side I guess.. started me out with a specific amount of calories that I needed to be eating each day to lose weight. And I lost..alot! However, at the time I had JUST started working out and might get to the gym 2 - 3 times per week. Now alot of weeks I get to the gym 2-3 times per DAY. So when I first hit a little plateau - he said "You may not be eating enough food for the amount of exercise you are doing and your body goes into starvation mode...eat more" So, I did..and I lost a few more pounds. Then I had someone else tell me I was eating waay too many calories a day for my body to lose weight and I should cut back. I did - lost a few more. In the meantime during all of this I had weeks where I went up as well as down. How do I KNOW for sure how many calories are good for my body to lose with the amount of exercise I am doing? I have NO idea how to do this - other than to be able to know exactly how many calories I am burning with every workout. The only way I know how to do that is this awesome little device that some of you may have seen on The Biggest Loser called a BodyBugg. You wear it and it is able to tell you how many calories you burn 24 hours/day. I really want one - but they are a little expensive. Then I would also have questions then too I think. I was told if I got one of those - as long as I had a calorie deficit of 1500 per day...I would lose 3 pounds per week on a fairly regular basis. I guess my question then would be - ok...but at what point does the body get to the "starvation mode" and start saving calories?

See where the frustration is coming in?? WHY does this have to be so hard??

It's a Miracle hehe

2009-10-06T20:12:00.000-05:00

I LOST WEIGHT THIS WEEK!! YES PEOPLE THAT'S WHAT I SAID...I ACTUALLY LOST!! WOOOO HOOOO =) This week was one of those weeks that I fully expected the scale to show not only an increase - but a few pounds. And it did - the middle of the week..lol (yes, I am guilty of hoppin on that scale every few days just to peek at my progress haha) I ate so many things this week that I was not supposed to have - but they were all ohhh so good! haha I had girls night out Wednesday night..my son turned 16 yrs old on Thursday - so we had dinner and ice cream cake. Then, I figured I had already blown it at the Comedy Club on Wednesday so I even went to Chili's for lunch on Thursday and ate that triple dipper thing.. :-o YUM!

I did continue to exercise all week - and on Friday I went to the store and got salad and grapes and had that pretty much for 2 days and exercised like a mad woman..lol When I hopped up on the scale this morning - all I could say was "Thank you Lord!" I had lost 2.6 lbs - which put me 51 pounds down total... yeah... the scale is moving in the right direction again.

I am researching this lil item called a BodyBugg - they use it on the Biggest Loser and I think it would be very very helpful in my journey.. just not sure about it yet. Stay tuned for more info.. Thanks for all the comments and support!

Special shout out this week to Nancy at the Y.. she has been sooo sweet to take in some of my fav clothes now that they don't fit anymore... you're awesome girl!!

Short n Sweet

2009-09-30T13:50:00.000-05:00

OK - well ... the scale is still headed the wrong direction.... but that's ok... I truly believe the little fluctuation is muscle that I am gaining due to the added step classes...lol We'll see in the coming weeks I guess.. My gain this week was very minimal .6 I can handle that. I am headed to the comedy club tonite for a "girls night out" though and will eat there..soooo not the best food tonite. My BABY BOY turns 16 tomorrow (where does the time go folks??) so I will also be going out to dinner and then coming home to eat Blizzard Cake from the DQ.. so I will alert the media now.... do NOT expect a loss next week people :-p

On the bright side.. a friend asked me to post a "full length comparison" of myself and it is pretty awesome if I may say so myself... love it!! Can't wait to see the one at the end of this journey and just sit in awe of myself haha..

50 IS NIFTY!! haha

2009-09-22T09:45:00.001-05:00

Ok guys..I have officially changed my weigh in day to Tuesday instead of Monday...I mean..really...who wants to weigh in on a Monday anyways right?? And I should have already updated this thing last Tuesday because after whining that I did not hit my 50..after all my workout time on Monday..I did hit my 50 on Tuesday morning.. yeah!! And let me tell you..it felt awesome!! The bad news is that I celebrated a little too much this week and gained a pound back UGH!! and I thought for sure those 4 friggin hours I spent in the gym yesterday would take care of that.. but noooo... still showing a gain of .8 ppsshhh!! I know.. I am gaining LEG MUSCLE from all the step classes...*looking at Cynthia here.... THAT'S what yours is too girl!! hehehe My good friend at the Shelby County Y that has lost well over 100 lbs (YOU GO GIRLIE) and btw has already bought her goal size jeans *sooo jealous!! has been a little discouraged because the scale has showed a slight gain on her too for the past two weeks... but let me tell you Cynthia..if you are reading this (and you better be LOL) you are still looking FANTABULOUS!! so it's muscle girl...we are gaining muscle!! =) I took another pic... this one is a full length of me today.. I finally bought a few items of clothing that "fit me" now haha so the pants are not sagging in the middle and you can actually begin to see my weight loss.. Let me know what you all think.. Need to sign off for now.. Cya!!

Almosttttttt there....LOL

2009-09-14T13:17:00.003-05:00

But not quite!! UGH! I soooo wanted to hit that big 50 mark today when I weighed in.. the momentum seems to be back and the motivation is stronger than ever..I wanna see those numbers get lower and lower on that scale baby! I just KNEW I had hit fifty this week... I would have had to lose 3lbs this week to do that - but I thought I had done it when I popped on the scale for a peek on friday and I had lost 2.. lol but when I hopped on today... I have lost 2.5 since last week haha arrrgghhhhhh!!! Makes ya just wanna pick the scale up and throw it sometimes hehehe But...alas... guess that means I will for SURE hit it this coming week!! =) At least I better!!! haha If I head in the wrong direction I will be really ticked off with myself! I got my new car tag for my new Jeep... it says BDYJAM =) hehe I have never had a personalized tag ever - in my life... just another reminder to myself to stay motivated and on track!!

I am in the process of turning my downstairs den that was right beside my bedroom into my new bedroom and am going to make my exisiting bedroom into a walk-in closet for now (eventually I hope for it to be a really nice bathroom with a walk-in closet.. but for now, it will just be my closet). I painted it this weekend and my dad and I will be moving furniture, etc the rest of this week. In this process, I plan to clean out my closet and start getting all the "BIG FAT" clothes out of there and start making room for the smaller ones I am beginning to need =) What an awesome feeling that is!! I can't wait until next summer to hit the Y in a bikini haha !!

I also reached one of those goals I mentioned in an earlier post - and when I am at home and can figure out how to post a pic in my blog..I will SHOW you haha you will all get a kick out of it ..I am sure.. anyone watch "Ruby" on Lifetime I think it is? I am going to blog a little about her show I think later this week..stay tuned! Oh and by the way..thanks for all the comments! They really help me to stay motivated..helps to know people actually read this thing and CARE!! =) Thanks ALL!!
Cassi

Ok guys..I told u when I figured out how to add pics I would add a pic showing you that I had met one of the goals that I talked about in my earlier posts... sooo here it is =) It is still an oversized towel... but it closes by golly haha my left boob is finally covered hahaha see the split at the bottom of the towel - on my leg... mmhmmm that is about how it used to look up top. YEAH!!

and here is a pic of me by my new jeep I told ya'll about... still not a super model..but I AM coming along ya'll =)

Well..it's about time =)

2009-09-08T20:58:00.002-05:00

Weigh in day was good this week... not as good as I would like for it to be - but alot better than it has been the past few weeks. I lost 2 pounds this week - YEAH!! It is so perplexing to me though - cause this week I only went to the gym twice (as opposed to about 9 times) and was very lax on watching what I was eating.. GO FIGURE!!

I got a new car.. that was a huge plus this weekend! Not looking forward to the payments - as I had been car payment free for a while..but with my son about to be sliding behind the wheel..it was time =) And it is sooo nice to be in something new.

I did have a challenging weekend though overall... my son was diagnosed with swine flu - JOY! Then - I was really excited about a date I had Saturday night. I had been talking to this guy for several weeks - he was very cute, we seemed to have quite a bit in common and overall both of us seemed excited with the prospect of meeting. We had seen pics of one another - so I really didn't anticipate any major shocks or anything. But I guess sometimes people just don't click. It just seems to happen more often than not these days with me and it has left me wondering IS there something wrong with me that I don't see? I have always felt that I have alot to offer the right person..grant it - I NEED to get the extra weight off... but the person INSIDE is a pretty awesome gal! At least I always thought I was - but these stupid guys sure are making me wonder about that. And the bad thing about it is that I have always been such an emotional eater - when I start feeling this way..I just want to EAT!! I have really had to fight some incredible urges to just go PIG OUT!! Part of me feels like if people are not going to like me anyway..why am I bothering?? And then I have to remember - I AM DOING THIS FOR ME!! ME!!! not anyone else..

Met with a different trainer this weekend also - just to get some new ideas to shake things up a little and maybe get me jump started back on the right track again...will see how these things affect my loss in the coming weeks. Stay tuned! =)

YO YO me LOL

2009-08-31T12:10:00.002-05:00

This will be short since I am at work and I have been sick all weekend UGH! I lost a pound and a half this week... so I am back at my 3rd goal of 45 pounds total lost =) That is good... but I really need to get that scale moving in the right direction again!! Thanks for all the comments - they really do help! I will think about moving my weigh in day Cynthia..I have just gotten so used to weighing in on Mondays - I think sometimes it makes me "behave" more on the weekends knowing I am going to hit that scale..yanno.. I don't know..

One step forward ~ Two steps back!! UGH!

2009-08-24T21:46:00.003-05:00

Weigh in Day... I hate Mondays! Why did I chose to weigh in on Mondays? What WAS I thinking anyways?? LOL Mondays are bad enough without having the added stress of worrying if I lost those pounds I have been trying so hard to lose or if I possibly gained a pound or two. Last week was SUCH a high because I FINALLY hit that 3rd 15 pound goal making my total loss a whopping 45 pounds!! That was exciting - but man it felt like forever getting there. I lost the 1st 15 in 7 weeks...hit the 2nd goal in week 13 - but it took me 10 more weeks..until week 23 to hit that 3rd goal...those extra 4 weeks just seemed like an eternity!! When I began this journey - I knew it was going to be a long haul..not something that was going to happen overnight..but you still get to that point at times when you just want the weight to COME OFF!!! It just wasn't happening fast enough for me and it was very frustrating!!

I read this article in Women First magazine about a Fruit Detox that would "melt off up to 16 lbs in 4 days". Basically it was a concoction of Organic lemon juice, Grade B Syrup and Cayenne pepper. You don't eat anything for 4 days, you mix this junk up with water and drink it every 2-3 hours all day. Ok - that sounded a little crazy to me - but the article covered this chick that had supposedly done "mini cleanses" for 2 days at a time for several months and lost like forty something pounds .. usually about 9 pounds at a time. What??!! 9 pounds in 2 days? woot woot.. ok I was IN!! lol I have never in my entire life gone a full day without eating anything...could I do this?? Are you kidding? For 9 pounds in one week?? YES!! I ordered me some lemon juice, and syrup and got ready. I tried this Thursday and Friday of last week. I fully expected to be in the bathroom most of those days..I mean it was supposed to be a cleansing..right?? How else was I supposed to lose all that weight? I did not have that result. I drank that yuk all day Thursday - without eating and made it through most of the day Friday before giving in and going to eat. Looking back now, I wonder was I supposed to puke after each time I drank it?? LOL Because I tell you, I had to fight really really hard each time NOT to...maybe that was how I was supposed to lose the 9 pounds..because surprise...I did NOT lose 9 pounds..I GAINED A POUND this week!!! AARRGGHHHH!!!! lol well...I guess that's what I get for trying to hurry things a long huh?

Well... guess it's hit that gym harder and harder this week!!

Motivation?

2009-08-19T20:09:00.002-05:00

This is going to be a short one cause I need to go get my son fed...lol But do you ever just need some motivation?? One would think all it would take for me is to look in the mirror each morning - that SHOULD be motivation enough! I go thru so many different mood swings though it is CrAzY!! This morning I was feeling great about myself..actually FELT thin. haha And now - same day... less than 12 hours later... I feel like a big fat cow! I hate days like this!

Anyway.. told ya it was going to be short..laters

Weigh in Day!! 3rd Goal Met!! Yee Haww!!

2009-08-17T08:05:00.003-05:00

OK guys! This is going to be short n sweet as I am posting at work :-0 hehe I will add more when I get home tonite and spruce it up a little... I have now hit my 3rd goal!! I have ..as of today.. lost 45 pounds!! yee haw!! I will add more tonite so check back!! Thanks for checkin in! Have a great Monday!

Ok.. wow..today was a Monday - but all I had to do all day long to make myself smile was remember that I have lost 45 pounds =) what a wonderful feeling.. My next goal is going to be a big one. It will only be 15 pounds..just like the last 3....but the difference will be that I have lost 45 pounds before....but never in all my years of dieting..have I ever lost 60 pounds at one time. Soooo..when I hit that 60 pound mark - it is going to be sweeet! =) I honestly can't even imagine each marker after that how I am going to feel. I am so ready for this change it is unbelievable.

My workout tonite was awesome. I go to the YMCA and I take several classes there. My favorite one right now is BodyJam. It is so incredible and such a great workout. I am always soaking wet when I leave there and feel soooo good! I am exhausted - but in a great way! It is also great to get to hang out with adult people that also like to work out. Being a single mom, I don't have alot of friends to do things with..so those people that you see every week at the gym and begin to forge a "gym friendship" with are pretty cool. Sad, huh? lol

Ok..starting to ramble again... closing today. I promise I will post a more "together" entry next time =)

laters..

Goals?? hmmmm

2009-08-14T10:54:00.003-05:00

A lot of people when they start thinking about losing weight – start thinking about what their “goals” will be.. either short term ones along the way if they have a long way to go..as I do. Or just the end goal if they just have a short way to go. I know I did that..with an end goal of 168 lbs gone – I knew I needed some short term goals along the way to keep me motivated or I would never make it. So I broke my weight loss up into smaller 15 lb goals. I have met 2 of those goals so far..I actually did that fairly quickly. It has taken me A LOT longer to hit this 3rd goal of 15 lbs than I would have liked, but I am getting there. I have a little over a pound (but not quite 2) to hit it. =) I weigh in every Monday morning as soon as I get up. I am hoping to report a 3rd goal down this Monday, the 17th.

I have noticed along the way though that it is the smaller things that a lot of people take for granted that mean 10 times more sometimes than that number on the scale. Let me give you a few examples (maybe I can do this without bawling, as last night when I was trying to put this post together in my head..I cried half the night..lol crazy huh) of what I mean by this. 1) Do you go to the movie theatre to watch movies? Sounds like a dumb question doesn’t it? But.. most people don’t think twice about it – if they want to see a movie, they go..sit down, watch it and enjoy it or they don’t. For an overweight person, it can be an uncomfortable experience. I actually noticed this one a few years ago..the 1st time I lost over 40lbs at one time when I was on WW. When I was sooo heavy (close to 300 lbs) and would go to watch a movie – when I would sit in the seats, my hips actually were crushed up against the arms of the seat. So much so, that a lot of times – I would have bruises on my hips for days afterwards from the arms of the seat. I would almost have to pry myself out of the seat upon leaving the theatre – it was very uncomfortable to sit that way for the length of time you have to sit and watch a movie. The first time I went to a movie after I had lost over 40 lbs.. I was with my son (God Bless Him) and I think I embarrassed the poor child to death. LOL We got our refreshments, went in and sat down. About the time my butt hit the seat..I jumped back up like a bee had stung me..sat back down..did it again (the whole time with this big Cheshire grin on my face..I imagine I looked quite comical) sat back down…did it again…about the 3rd time I did this, my poor lil boy says, ‘MOM!!! What ARE you doing??” I sat down, turned to him with tears rolling down my face and said, “ I FIT in the seat!!! My hips are not touching the sides AT ALL… LOOK!! “ and hopped up and down a few more times for affect.. haha His face was so red..poor thing ( I think he was maybe 11 at the time) He just shook his head at me and asked me to please stop..which I did..eventually.. LOL Some other things that I have not yet gotten to, but am soo looking forward to – that I bet the majority of you have NEVER thought of (unless your overweight also) are 2) when I step out of the shower every morning and grab my oversized towel to dry off and then wrap it around myself to do my hair, make-up, etc.. I will be sooo happy when the damn thing actually closes and stops leaving my left breast hanging out in the cold to air dry (poor thing) I mean….COME ‘ON it is already an OVERSIZED towel..right??!! and THEN the day when I can actually wrap a regular sized towel around me and have IT close completely..now THAT WILL BE THE DAY!! =) lol 3) The ability to walk into ANY store of my chosing and purchasing those “cute” clothes off the rack.. instead of having to shop at Lane Bryant or ordering my clothes offline from the fat people shop =( 4)Boarding an airplane and not having to stop the size 0 stewardess and ask her for a seatbelt extender so I can buckle up!! 5) Being able to go to an amusement park with my son and actually RIDE something with him… I have not been to 6 Flags or anywhere like that since before he was born because the last time I was there with his daddy, I waited for hours and hours to get on one of the new rides and when we finally got to the front of the line – I was unable to ride, because the bar would not close over my lap =( I tried once..sometime in 2003 or so to take the kids somewhere like that and they had a model of the ride seat outside the line area to see if you fit in the seat… HA I couldn’t even get half of me in it… very disappointing.

So.. there ya have it..some of the goals that will mean a lot, but really have nothing to do with the numbers on the scale – and that I would be willing to bet 9/10 skinny people have never even considered. Just as I am sure there are things that skinny people go thru that others never consider as well .

Leg butt?? hehe

2009-08-12T20:57:00.000-05:00

Ok.. if there are any men reading my blog they are going to think I have lost my ever luvin mind.. and if there are any reading it that MIGHT be interested in me romantically..I am warning you now...STOP READING this post haha it will be hazardous to your attraction..I promise!!

Does anyone have ANY clue what I even mean by "leg butt"? If you have been overweight for any length of time.. you probably do..lol Then again, I don't know..I can honestly say that I never had one until this past year - or at least if I did, I never noticed it..and I really think I would have noticed it..lol It is driving me CrAzY!! ok ok ok.. what DO I mean?? I will tell you..get naked..stand with your feet together and look in the mirror.. when I do this - my thighs rub together and I have evidently gained some extra fat on the inside of my thighs..LOL this little bit of extra fat there actually looks like a little baby butt sitting on my legs when I have my feet together and am standing looking in the mirror.. UGH.. it is NOT a happy feeling. Have any of you seen the promo for the new Courtney Cox series starting this fall called "Cougar Town"? In the promo..it starts out by saying"there comes a time in every womans life when she has to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask herself....what the hell is that?" HAHA That is exactly how I feel right about now. In the past, even with my weight - it had never really BOTHERED me to go to the pool, etc.. but getting in a bathing suit this year was mortifying..I felt like everyone was looking at my leg butt..LOL I have been really working trying to tone and firm this area up - it is just being very stubborn. I can't wait until I am rid of all this extra flab and I can stand proudly in whatever I choose to wear! I am almost at my 3rd goal of 45 pounds down =) (I broke down the 168 pounds into smaller goals of 15 pounds at a time)

I feel like I am rambling now..so I will close for tonite..I need to go put my sons clothes in the dryer as his first day of his sophomore year is tomorrow. Man they grow up so quickly.. my step daughter will be a Junior this year...where does the time go??

Jump on board..here we go..

2009-08-11T19:54:00.000-05:00

Ok..well I have never "blogged" before..but I decided being a single mom with only a teenage boy at home..I needed an outlet, so YOU get to be my lucky audience. =) If anyone decides to give it a read. And if not..well I guess I still have an outlet.

I have written my feelings down for as long as I can remember..not really in a journal per se...but sort of I guess. The thing is, I tend to write more when I am unhappy than on a daily basis - so this whole blog thing may be a challange within itself for me. Guess we will see..

Ok- well I have been overweight for almost my entire adult life. It began the summer before my freshman year of High School when as a Junior Varsity cheerleader (which was my life as far as I was concerned)..I did not make the Varsity Squad. It was quite devastating. I layed around all summer in a bathing suit..eating whole bags of chips and drinking loads of soda - never realizing I was gaining..and gaining..and gaining. I gained appx 40 lbs that summer. That's ALOT of weight for a teenage girl in one summer. My mom tried so hard to help me - she would say things like," Do you need to eat those chips? How about something else?" But being the typical rebellious teen - every time she said something about my weight..I just ate more. I just continued to gain. By the time I graduated, I had spiraled upwards to about 180lbs.

I got married my 2nd year of college to a man that was 11 years my senior. I was sooo in love. We had our ups and downs, but the first few years were fairly happy. Later in our marriage, problems arose and he started picking on me about my weight. And again - the more he picked..the more I ate. Over the next 7 years or so I gained over 100 lbs. =( When we divorced I weighed close to 300 lbs. I was mortified!

Over the next several years after my divorce..I joined weight watchers and lost a little over 40 lbs. I kept that weight off for awhile. However, I ended up getting married again.. long story short - that marriage did not work out either. the most wonderful thing that I got out of that marriage was my relationship with my step-daughter. I was unable to have any more children after my son was born and had always wanted a little girl. She came into my life right after losing her mom to cancer - so it was like God placed us both in one another's life. We had an awesome bond almost immediately..it hurt to have to let her go. Her daddy later married again and her new stepmom does everything she possibly can do to keep us from having any kind of relationship.. stinks. She will be a Junior in HS this year tho - so it won't be long and she won't be able to control her anymore..I can't wait for that day!

Eventually...all the weight I had lost came back plus a few pounds. Have you ever said to yourself..I weigh this.. but I will never go past this.. ? Well.. I did.. it started in HS when I swore to myself I would never go over 200... then I watched as it slid by on the scale.. then I decided I would never weigh over 250.. then..yepp... there it went..right on by. 300 was my lock down..drop dead number... in March of this year, right before my 39th bday..I weighed in at 303!!!! WHAT??!! 303?? Are you kidding?? That's when it finally sunk in and nailed me right between the eyes... this has GOT to change. My sons dad passed away september 08 and so it is just me...I am who he has to depend on from now on. I have been single again for almost 5 years now and while I am ok with that..I do miss having a "special someone" in my life. I have been on all the different dating sites - and it is soo frustrating when most of the men I am interested in won't even give me a chance to get to know me because of my weight. I finally decided I was tired of being Fat and Frumpy and Forgotten... and I did NOT want to turn forty feeling this way about myself. So..if you are reading this.. you may join me on my journey to being FORTY and FABULOUS =)

I decided on march 9th that I was going to lose 168lbs. I started talking with a friend who is a personal trainer and he told me a good, safe weight loss would be about 2 lbs/week..so I figured that up.. 2 lbs a week to my goal will put me at my goal around the end of Sept 2010. To date, which it is August 11, I have lost 44 lbs! I am on my way!!